She was a beautiful girl. Sweet, charming, easy to talk to, enthusiastic about life, raised in a Christian home.
She always had a boy on her arm, in a sweet way. This was not surprising, as she was kind and respectful, genuinely interested in others.
The more I got to know her, the more I saw the continual presence of a boyfriend as a red flag, for that was where she found her identity.
Identity is a complicated concept. How do we teach our sons to see identity as a crucial piece of Biblical womanhood?
I believe that begins early, with their concept of who they are.
How we build an understanding of identity in Christ?
- As infants and toddlers, we sing to them of the Father who loves them—for who they are.
- As preschoolers, we reinforce His unconditional love as we mirror it, loving and forgiving even as we disciple them.
- When they’re elementary aged, we encourage their creativity, their talents, their “bent” – not stereotyping or expecting them to fit in our mold.
- When they hit the teen years, we model trust as we let them exercise their God-given abilities and try their wings, always reminding them of the Father’s love.
If our boys know Whose they are, they’ll be more likely to look for a spouse whose identity is as grounded as theirs.
How do we underscore that every day?
- We model what we know in our hearts to be true—that we are women of God first, called to be wives and mothers second.
- We cherish the marriage we have, putting it before the boys. Loving their dad and showing it, making time for the one God gave us to begin this family.
- We nourish the God-given dreams of our hearts, not neglecting the talents God has given us but using them for His glory.
- We show our boys that we’re more than moms, we’re daughters of the King.
We strive to give our sons a true picture of a Christ-centered identity.
Seems like a big responsibility, modeling all of that for our sons.
But we don’t really DO it. God does it through us when we’re yielded to Him.
So go back to Him. And keep going back.
He’s always there, as constant as the sun. And if we stay close, we’ll reflect Him to our boys.
As my son searches for a spouse, may God’s light in her will shine through…and catch his eye.
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Laura Lee Groves, a mother of four sons, is the author of I’m Outnumbered! One Mom’s Lessons in the Lively Art of Raising Boys (Kregel), and Pearl, a novel about international adoption. She loves to write, speak, teach, and shares her heart at www.OutnumberedMom.com and www.LauraLeeGroves.com.