I remember stepping into our garage with a bag of garbage heading for the dumpster only to find my husband and one of our two sons in a heap of tears on the garage floor. I dropped my bag of trash and ran to the scene.
“What in the world is going on here? What happened?”
I immediately began looking for blood or bruises. All I found were tears.
Our son had been in a discussion with his Dad about an upcoming event for the ministry we had founded together. A Crisis Pregnancy Center. We were just days away from our annual fund raising banquet and my husband had agreed to the very rare act of speaking at the event and sharing his part of our personal testimony as a couple. It was not an easy assignment for him but one he felt God called him to do.
I had been sharing my part of our story and the abortion we had experienced together, for many years. He, however, had chosen to be the silent wind beneath my wings. Until this event. God had clearly shown Mike that this was the time for the voice of a man, involved in a “woman’s choice” to speak out.
Our sons had been raised up in our ministry. My husband and I stepped into this “calling” from God just a few short years after becoming Christians when both of our boys were very young. The story of our abortion was laid out before our corner of the world in a very transparent and public way as we boldly proclaimed the lie of abortion and the truth of God’s Word about life.
We had made every attempt to share with our sons as “age appropriately” as possible over the years and had never kept our past mistakes and sin a secret. Nor were we ever quiet about God’s redeeming love and grace. Our desire was to reveal God’s love through our own redemption stories. He gets our weaknesses. He is ever ready to save and redeem what the enemy means for evil.
We knew that both sons knew our story. Then this happened.
Our now teenaged son was helping his Dad with the lawn when he began to ask questions. “How Dad? Why Dad? When Dad?”
My husband had stopped the yard work and sat down in the middle of our garage with our son to answer his questions. Honestly. Transparently and Humbly. He shared our story, again at this NEW age appropriate level.
Our son wept.
He wept for his lost sibling.
He wept from his broken heart.
He wept with his new revelation.
He wept at God’s grace.
He wept out of love and admiration for his Dad and me.
That day a new ministry, a new passion, a new level of love and respect for us and for God was born.
That day a new man was born from a boy.
The Bible clearly tells us two things we must confront as we parent our children:
1. We overcome the destructive acts of the enemy through the Word of our testimony.
We protect our sons and daughters by sharing our redeemed sin. Revelation 12:11, which interestingly in “The Message” Bible is titled “The Woman, Her Son and the Dragon,” says this:
“They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”
The “word of our testimony”—GOOD AND BAD—along with the Blood of Jesus, overcomes the plans of the enemy.
2. God’s word clearly commands us to “teach” our children from our experience, and that includes our mistakes.
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” Proverbs 22:6.
“Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them” Deuteronomy 4:9.
“Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” Deuteronomy 11:19.
It is not easy as parents to share our mistakes and our brokenness but, when done with prayer, for the correct reasons and in the right timing, God covers the details and brings the deliverance.
I joined my husband and our son on the garage floor. We prayed and we thanked God for His love and for our son.
Then, I emptied the trash.
Pat Layton is the author of Surrendering the Secret, a post-abortion recovery program from LifeWay used all over the country to help women heal from abortion. She’s also written A Surrendered Life, Baker Books (2014) and Life Unstuck (Revell, 2015).
If you’ve suffered the pain of an abortion, please find a local crisis pregnancy center with a post-abortion recovery program near you by searching at Surrendering the Secret.
Love this Pat! My kids know too and their support has been amazing. Love you friend.
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If you read the context surrounding the verses, this does not jive. I do not agree. I don’t think you need to guilt parents into sharing things with their children. These verses are not meant to do that. Honestly.
Hi Amy, I am so sorry if you understood my message to intend guilt in any way. I am so opposite of creating guilt for any woman. Heaven knows we do that well enough on our own. My personal experience and my 25 years of ministry experience reflect amazing healing and restoration for women as well as deeper respect and honest communication resulting from sharing with our children-AT THE RIGHT TIME and for the right reasons. Our intention in sharing has to be for THEIR education, equipping and edification, not to unload some old baggage from ourselves. Our intention must be to honor and obey God as He instructs us individually. It would be far to comprehensive for me to debate our interpretation of scripture (I’m not sure which ones you referred to). We completely agree that ALL scripture is meant for our good–some easier than others to digest. (2 Tim 3:16) Either way, I respect your perspective, I truly do. I was simply sharing my personal experience and some ideas for healthy sharing! Blessings!! Pat
It gives parents the idea that they shouldtell their children their past sins based on the
scriptures mentioned in Deuteronomy.
The one specifically in Chapter 4 refers to God’s
Laws.
In any case, it depends on the sin, the person,
their own personal feelings.
You can’t presume to lead people to feel as though
they need to share these sins.
I shared my sins with my younger brother, he’s 13 years
younger than me. It had the reverse affect. I have
regretted that decision all these years.
Now, I’m not his mom, but he looked up to me.
A persons sins are forgiven by God. Forgotten in His
eyes. I don’t suggest that you hide or forget them either.
But, I do feel there is more than one perspective and I
don’t feel you accurately translated the scripture.
Walking with your children and talking with them along
the road and etc. does not insinuate sharing your past sins.
Now, I definitely feel God allows us to go through,
experience, and use these sins to help others. Most definitely.
In that case, much like your story, which will help so many, should
be shared with your children because it will be shared
will so many others, you want them to hear it from you first.
However, your article seemed very one sided, like
you need to share your sins with your child.
I didn’t see that in the scriptures you quoted.
It seems like a personal decision to me.
Those scriptures point to raising your child in the
ways of, the laws of the Lord. Raising them to learn
how they are made in his bent ( Prov. 22:6).
Combine Deuteronomy 9&10 “Teach them about me.”
I don’t mean any disrespect to your story. On the contrary,
I believe you will help so many with your story.
But, some stories, like mine, you just don’t want
to share with your children. You pray they have a better
future than your past. That because your providing
a different life things will be so much better for them.
One day, maybe, maybe I’ll share. But, it’s been hard
enough for me to get over the mistakes I’ve made
without my children living it in their pure minds.
How is it going to benefit them? There are parts of my
past that are helpful, but there are some parts that
are unnecessary.
I don’t feel you should give your readers the impression
that they have to share.
That’s my two cents. It may not matter to you,
but some people have very different experiences.
And, the Bible speaks to them all in their own way.
Maybe you could include that in your closing
remarks so your readers don’t feel more guilt
on top of the already present guilt.
God bless you for your work and your experience.
I acknowledge the many people your are helping
and will be able to help!
Amen Amy… the enemy is the accuser and loves to bring guilt and shame. Our testimony is what Jesus did for us and how we live now. We confess our sins before God. Not man.