It’s been almost four years since we lost our third baby.
That fact alone absolutely astonishes me. To think that I could have a three-year-old named Alex running around our house right now makes me smile, feel overwhelmed and very sad all at the same time.
During the time directly after our miscarriage I often felt as if God was withholding from me. I knew him to be a big, strong, mighty God. Creator of the Universe, hanger of the stars, mover of mountains. It just seemed like he didn’t want to move any mountains for me.
Have you ever asked yourself that question? God, I know you’re big enough to change the mess I’m in, so what gives? Don’t you love me enough? Do I not matter to you enough for you to do something? Anything?
I did a lot during that time. Knowing what God was capable of and watching him withhold it was one of the most difficult issues of faith I’ve ever known. At 37, I still find myself mad at God from time-to-time when he doesn’t do what I think he should. But I’m learning there’s purpose in our pain.
Here are four lessons I learned about God from my miscarriage:
1. God doesn’t withhold.
He doesn’t take just for the sake of taking. He always takes to give. If you’re still in the midst of your mess it’s because he has more of himself to give you that you can only learn inside the mess. That’s a hard lesson, and I don’t profess to understand it completely. Nor do I mean to make healing after such a major loss sound trite, but the truth is that God is a giver…and the thing he most wants to give you is more of himself.
2. God wants you to cry out to him in your pain.
He knows this world stinks. He knows it’s painful to walk through the messes life brings. Some of them come from our sinful choices, and some of them seem to happen no matter how righteous a life we live. Regardless, he wants us to come to him when life hurts. He’s the God who bends down to listen (Psalm 116:2) and he wants to comfort us with his word and his presence.
3. God WILL comfort you.
Can I be honest? There were times after our loss that I didn’t want God to comfort me. I didn’t want to read the Psalms, or listen to how God was faithful because it didn’t FEEL like God was being faithful to me. What I learned is that my feelings don’t always tell the truth. In fact, the times when I’m MOST emotional are the time my feelings lie to me most. Just because I don’t feel like God is listening doesn’t mean he’s not. His word tells me he is. There comes a time when we have to make a choice to believe what the word of God says, despite how we feel. My experience says that when we do that, faith and comfort will follow.
4. God gives us faith.
I can’t count the times I prayed this prayer in the aftermath of my miscarriage (and honestly, I still do…so often): God give me faith to believe you’re here and that you love me enough to get us through this. I’ve learned that if I don’t have enough faith on my own, God can and will give it to me. Mark 9:24 tells a story of a father in desperate need for healing for his son. Jesus told him anything was possible for those who believe. His answer? Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. If you have any amount of faith whatsoever, give it to Jesus, and ask him to give you enough to get through your mess. He wants to give you faith. He wants to see you overcome in his name. He’ll be faithful to give you faith.
If you’ve suffered any kind of pregnancy loss—miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion—would you let us know in the comments? We would love to cover you in prayer today and ask the Lord to help you heal.
Resources to Help You Heal
In Hope for the Weary Mom, I tell my miscarriage story, and detail the way God brought my heart from broken back to beautiful.
In Gospel Centered Mom, I talk about how God uses our stories to show others He’s worth following and explain the purpose in our pain.
Both resources are perfect for moms experiencing the pain of miscarriage. Buy your copies by clicking on the links above today.