A Letter to My Sons (As You Prepare to Start Dating):
It seems entirely surreal and preposterous to be writing a letter to you about the kind of woman you should marry when you’re at the tender ages of seven and almost six years old respectively.
Yet I know the moment in which you will be of dating age will sneak upon me like a thief in the night and I fear there will be so many words I have yet to say on this topic and I’m sure there will indeed be some I miss.
But here’s some advice I won’t hold-back in sharing: there is power in humility.
I once thought being humble meant you never bragged about how great you a really are (and you are really great – I’m your mom, I should know . . . ) and didn’t make others feel like they were “less than” because you are so much “more than.”
There is a component to humility in which this is true; however, the true meaning of humility is being able to say the following phrase and mean it sincerely:
Daddy and I have raised you up in a home in which forgiveness is mandatory. You practice saying what you’re sorry for and you ask for forgiveness and even if the receiving end doesn’t feel like forgiving, the answer in always “yes.”
Sometimes action must proceed emotion and we are told repeatedly in the Bible we must forgive because we ourselves are continuously forgiven.
Yet even though we’ve raised you this way, I know there will be times when you will be tempted to argue because you know you’re right and she’s not.
And you might be. But arguing to prove you are the one who’s right will only make you win the battle but lose the war.
The goal of dating is to find a future bride, sons. Not everyone agrees with this opinion but your father and I believe there’s really no point in it until you are much older than you are now.
We’ve prayed for these two young women who will steal your hearts and make you both dream of your futures since you were tiny babies. I have no idea who they are or where they are as I write this letter but I do know this:
I pray she is kindhearted. I pray she is spunky and will support you and will make you laugh because oh, sons . . . You will need to laugh. I pray she loves Jesus above all else and is committed to raising your children, ahem, our grandchildren, loving Him, too. I pray she will hear your heart and you will hear hers. I pray you will both practice mutual submission – this submission thing has been made into a dirty word when in actuality, when it’s done the way God intended it to be done, it’s the most beautiful waltz you’ve ever seen.
But I really, really pray she possesses humility. There will be several times in your marriage when you will have to apologize to one another and when one person is unable to do this, it impacts the safety of the relationship.
Humility leads to trust. Trust leads to intimacy. Intimacy leads to the kind of soul connection God wants you to have with your wives.
So while I pray you are able to say “I’m sorry. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?” I also pray she is able to say the same. It’s part of mutual submission and once you figure that all out, you can get through anything.
I love you two little monkeys,
Dear Lord, please help me to raise these boys to seek young women who love you to be their wives. Please guide me in instilling humility in both of them and please help me to remember to have it myself. Please also instill humility in the hearts of their future wives – girls I don’t even know yet but you do. When we humble ourselves to you, Lord, we can humble ourselves to others. Amen.
GREAT wisdom in this. I desperately want my boys to have a heart of humility.
Thanks, Trena. Me, too! 🙂
I have 3 boys. I’m struggling with my middle son on this very topic. We used to write notes to each other when he was younger. Perhaps leaving these words of wisdom in a note on his pillow will help move him forward in growing in his humility.Wonderful post. Thank you.
Colleen, I think that sounds like a wonderful idea! I think if we just talk about it and recognize it when we see it, it helps them (and us!) to identify what it actually is. Thanks for reading and commenting!
My lil boy is just one.I cant far imagine him all that grown up yet.But I know my day would come to.
This sentence is soo beautiful:
this submission thing has been made into a dirty word when in actuality, when it’s done the way God intended it to be done, it’s the most beautiful waltz you’ve ever seen.
Men are always made to think the submission makes them weak.
Your article has actually been more applicable for me.Thank you.
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