As I sat in the vast auditorium, listening to the principal go over the events associated with Matt’s senior year, my mind wandered. Wasn’t he just a colicky infant, seemingly tasked with keeping his older brothers awake all night? Wasn’t he just toddling around trying to be one of the big boys? Wasn’t he just consumed with building the biggest Lego castle that would reach all the way to the sky?
When your youngest is the only one left in the nest, you tend to spend a good bit of time reminiscing. Feelings of wistfulness and pangs of regret can creep in. Since two sons have already sprouted up and out you realize you can’t put the brakes on this growing up and becoming a man thing that is happening before your eyes.
And you realize, you didn’t do a very good job of enjoying each mama moment. When you are in the throes of temper tantrums, runny noses and sleepless nights, it is hard to imagine ever wishing every.single.one of those days back again.
I know
But, you will.
The next time you think you just can’t answer one more question that begins with the word “why” or you are bent low, wiping up the milk that was spilled on your newly mopped floor or you are returning your strong-willed four year old to the time out chair for the 15th time {that day}, know that you will miss the craziness of raising boys one day.
It’s okay to be exhausted and frustrated in the moment, but one tick of a clock and that moment becomes a mere memory. Ten years from now you will miss that same, exact moment in time.
One day when they are turning 17 and a senior in high school and you are realizing their time under your roof is coming to an end sooner than you or they ever imagined, you will look at the scrapbook (and all the photos you meant to put into a scrapbook) and you will be thankful for every single precious minute God gave you with your boys.
Because those days you lost your temper or crawled into bed thinking “I can’t do this another day” or wished for the day they would be seventeen and not need you so much–those are not what you or your son will remember.
He will remember the days you played H-O-R-S-E with him instead of doing the dishes, the days that you kissed his sweaty forehead when he was sick, and the days that you read that story for the 100th time.
You Mama, you will remember it all.
This parenting of boys is a privilege and an honor. Every exhausting, adventurous moment is one that you will look back on and smile about. How can you be grateful in the midst of the chaos of the younger years? Here are a few things I encourage you to enjoy while your boys are small:
- The “Mama, watch this” moments. Boys love to show off their bravery, whether it’s handing you a worm or jumping off the back of the porch. I tended to wince and draw back from those moments as they were happening. Really, there’s nothing better than sharing in their discoveries and excitement.
- The sibling rivalry moments. I don’t know about you, but with three boys born within four years, there was quite a bit of arguing and competing for attention in the early days of La Casa Smallwood. I remember how exasperated I would get at the bickering. Do you know that now I look back on those moments and chuckle (and so do my boys)? We laugh at how I would make them sing “You are My Sunshine” to each other.
- The repetitive moments. Prayers before bed, the same breakfast request 365 days a year, watching Star Wars Episode V for the millionth time- those are all memories that you will one day hold very dear to your heart, regardless of how monotonous they seemed at the time.
I urge you to take stock of the everyday moments that have you feeling worn thin and fatigued. Ask God to show you the miracle of those moments now, instead of years from now.
Yes, yes and yes! It’s funny because a lot of evenings when I’m completely spent and ‘going through the nightly routine’ with my boys, I actually think to myself that this will pass very soon and I should be trying my best to enjoy these nightly routines – it helps (sometimes) to have that thought in the back of my mind.
I LOVED those days with my children, 2 boys now 18 and 21, and a now 15 year old daughter. We got along great in those younger years even though I did not do everything perfectly, we had our issues, and I certainly have some regrets. The battle I have now is that I frequently am struggling with desires for a “rewind”. I MISS those days terribly. My children don’t squeal and run to me when I walk through the door, they don’t readily agree (more like rarely agree) to the ideas I have for fun activities, and obviously the days of hugs and snuggling are pretty much gone. I MIGHT get a hug here and there, no kisses from the boys, and only rare ones from my daughter. I’m allowed to kiss them ON THE CHEEK – not too often though. I’ve learned new ways of connecting with them and we still have what people would probably call good relationships. But, if I could have any dream / wish granted in the whole world, it would be to rewind to those toddler, preschool, baby, and elementary school age days. And just choose different phases on a daily basis. THEY WERE TRULY THE BEST DAYS! I know, I’m not doing the right thing by wishing this was possible. I NEED HELP with stopping this and getting past it all. I have cried many tears over this, especially on days when I was really in the thick of being rejected. Yes, it’s normal that they go through this phase of breaking away, but it’s been almost more than I can bear at times. Lately, I’m doing ok, especially since I’ve learned to give them some space, to not pressure for time together, and to allow them to be the individuals that they are and to pray, pray, pray for God’s help and His ways. But, I cherish those younger days, probably to the extent of idolizing the time. Yep, I know….not right. So, any advice or scriptures would be more than appreciated and welcomed. Thank you!
oh wow….my son is 12 1/2 yep don’t forget the 1/2 and he and I was so into the moment of laughing, smiling, and yep arguing ….at the end I used the words that he looked up in the dictionary (forgiveness, grace, sorry, integrity , …etc) . I know he’s finding his place and ways …but at times it seems I can see what could happen from the choices he makes. At times I have to realize he needs to learn and learn from his mistakes. He also needs to know that I am here. …but wow it seems lately we argue all the time. so…..I remember all the days prior. I smile and know God is with us. I know he and I have a purpose and a plan….So when I read this I cryied ….thinking all them times and moments that have come and gone …the memories that I and he will have. And that makes it all worth it.
Loved, loved this article! I also have 3 boys born within 4 years of each other and this article is exactly what I needed to hear. They are now 10, 8, and 6, and I am starting to see exactly how fast they are growing up, and there’s nothing I can do to slow it down…I just have to savor the moments and keep loving on them now.