I don’t know about you, but I get in a groove where I feel like I “get” my son, things are clicking, and then suddenly… we are not. I feel like I am in a constant state of learning-about boys, parenthood, and well…life. I get derailed from our groove and I am forced to do some recon. Some key questions I am learning to ask:
- “Is he tired? Has it been a long week for him?”
- “Is his love tank full or empty?” (Each child has a love language and if that language is not “spoken” or regularly practiced (or the tank is empty) then they likely do not feel loved.
- “How long has it been since he and I have had one-on-one time?”
The answers to those questions help me to know how to pray next:
Help me know where we can get more margin in our schedule so he can get some rest. What do we/I need to cut out this week? (This can be key as you are just talking about a week-you are not talking about ending activities all together, but missing one (fill in the blank) might just be the best thing for your son, just for one week.)
“Lord, I need ideas of how to fill his tank in a way that helps him. Would You provide the words for me? OR time, or touch, etc.? (I’ve pinned some great ideas here.) I am maxxed out myself and need my tank filled. Will You fill me with your Spirit so that Your overflow is felt by my family?” I pray for Him to be the overflow in my life more than I would care to admit. I want to think that I have it all figured and balanced out…but I don’t. I yell so much less (rarely, now!) due largely in part to the amazing resources and ideas that come from our No More Angry Mom’s group. But the overflow (and there is one-stress, pressure, finances, time, etc.) will either be what binds you or what frees you. I pray right now that He will be a balm to your heart and soul, so His overflow of grace and love will pour out. I’ve lost count of how many times I have finished a time out, talking to, or discipline and taken a deep breath in awe. It went ok (not really even WELL, but okay) because of His overflow.
REALISTIC ONE-ON-ONE TIME
What is a realistic one-one-one look like for me and my son right now? water gun fight? bike ride? ice cream stop? building project? reading together? They do not all have to cost money, but they all cost something valuable to us: TIME. Ask the Lord to give you wisdom about what he needs right now. Something fun? Some time to talk and decompress? Some time to just snuggle with you? The Lord will give you direction and wisdom. The Word says He loves to give us the desires of our hearts. Sweet friends, if our desire is to parent well, to steward these gifts of boys we have been given as best we can, then asking Him for wisdom in connecting with our boys is something He longs to fulfill.
Every year I feel I am a better student of my son. Side note? I have also learned a lot about my husband, becoming a student of HIM as well. There’s nothing wrong with that! My prayer is for you to be able to see your son and evaluate where he is, not feel like you are failing or flailing. We all struggle to connect well with our boys. Relying on the Word and a few basic questions will give us a start for God to reveal to us what to do next.
From this mom of an eight year old who puddled this week on our way to the pool, I am praying for you and cheering loud for you!
A Prayer for Moms
“Lord, help us to see our sons as You see them. Not our perceived failures, but the Truth that You have given us. Give us the confidence in the knowledge that You gave us this gift because you know we are the perfect mom for them. Help us to lean in to You for wisdom and discernment, running to You first.”