“God, couldn’t you have given me easier boys?”
It’s a question I’ve asked God many, many times since realizing my two blessings were of the “hard-to-handle” type. So often I’ve wished he had given me easier boys, quieter boys, boys who love to read instead of run, build instead of blast.
I’ve spent time on this, you guys, questioning God’s love for me, and why he thought I could handle hard-to-handle boys when I plainly struggle in every way…
But today I want to focus less on the habits and personality of my boys, and more on my own, because there comes a time when a mom has to embrace the truth of who her kids are instead of wishing they were something else (<<—– Tweet That!)
When you’re angry that God gave you hard to handle kids…
What God Wants us to Do with the Hard Things
Gomer was a prostitute, Hosea a prophet of God. In the Old Testament book by the same name, God tells these two to get married and allows the ensuing devastation to paint a vivid picture of his love and commitment to the nation of Israel. In the story, Gomer gives Hosea children, then betrays him, committing adultery over and over again. In a nutshell, it’s the story of how Israel turns to God, then leaves him to follow idols, turns to God, then leaves him to follow idols, and on and on. (It’s also an accurate portrayal of how every one of God’s children fails him again and again, and how his love never fails us. But that’s for another day).
My gut reaction to this familiar story in the Bible is “God, why in the WORLD would you ask someone to live that kind of story just to prove something about yourself?” It almost feels cruel, as if God created a human life—complete with feelings and limitations—just to make himself look good. As if proving his love for Israel somehow trumped the need to be loving to Hosea.
It makes me feel like Hosea got the raw end of the deal, forced by God to spend his life chasing after a woman who embarrassed, hurt, and humiliated him over and over. My question, “why would you do that, Lord,” seems legit…
But I’m learning that thebetter question is, “how, like Hosea, would God like to use the hard places of my life to demonstrate his love and commitment to a hurting world?“
I have hard-to-handle boys. I just do.
I can teach them, train them, and pray for them…but in the end, they’re still going to be hard-to-handle. It’s who God made them to be, and one day he’ll use it for something good. This is the battle God has given me, and he wants me to fight it in a way that proves his love, character, and power to those around me.
It’s the way of the Jesus-follower. The way of the one sold out for Christ. The very definition of ambassador, representative, hands and feet of God. Jesus said, “not my will, but yours, be done” (Luke 22:42, ESV), and calls us to follow him.
It’s why the Writing Team and I bare our souls for you in this space, sharing our challenges, hurts, and victories—so the hard places of our lives can demonstrate his love to you, helping you believe that what he does for us, he can do for you.
Maybe you’re thinking to yourself, “I didn’t sign up for this when I became a Christian. I didn’t know God would ask me to (fill in the blank with your hard thing) when I chose to follow him.” I get it, mama. I’ve thought it, too. But here’s the thing…
God never promised us an easy life, and what he does for us now, to make our lives less frustrating or painful, isn’t proof (or lack thereof) of his love for us. In fact, he has nothing left to prove. He showed his complete and unending love for us when he gave us his son. Everything he asks us to do now he’s done for us first.
What do I mean?
Everything God asks you to do for him, he’s already done for you. Even the hard things.
“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14, NIV).
Fight for your boys, leaving complacency behind in exchange for intentional parenting.
“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39, ESV).
Be absolutely unwilling to give up on your boys…God was unwilling to give up on you…
“But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5, ESV).
Endure hardship, humiliation, and heartbreak for the sake of reaching your son’s heart. Jesus was spit on, mocked, cursed…for the sake of yours.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16, KJV).
Give God permission to unfold his plan for your child’s life. No matter what (I know this one hurts).
Maybe, just maybe, the main reason God gave me hard-to-handle boys was to prove his love to you, mama. Maybe the reason you’re enduring your hard place, whatever it is, is so you can be living proof of his unfailing love to someone else. It really is all about him.
If you’re going through something hard, could we pray for you?
Leave us a comment below with a request and our team will cover you in prayer!
I have 2 boys one of which is Autistic. He is very hard to handle. I am a working single Mom. I would love prayer Thank you.
My hat is off to you, Danelle. Praying right now, and asking God to meet you in the mess and give you strength, patience, godly wisdom, and endurance. My grandmother raised 3 boys alone, working more than full time to provide for their needs because my grandfather wouldn’t help at all. It can be done with grace. She’s proof. Walk closely with Jesus, friend. Much love to you 🙂
I so know what you are facing as my son has Autism and can’t cope with his emotions in healthy ways at all. He shows a lot of oppositional defiant behavior and anger. I fought so hard to bring him into this world as i was violently sick during pregnancy and fought for every breath I took. I never expected to go through what we have with him lashing out at his little sister and us. I have felt so alone and I am so beyond thankful for this site, for Brooke, Stacey and their book Hope for the Weary Mom. Praying for you! I have so longed for a support system that understands esp with having moved couple years ago from family and another move soon upon us.
I totally understand and am praying for you as well.
I have 2 hard to handle boys, but I think I’ve mostly got them figured out. It’s my daughter were struggling with. She 8 and we adopted her from Russia when she was 2. We just can’t seem to figure her out. It’s definitely a why did you ask me to do this God situation. I appreciate your prayers!
I am praying for you. I have two adopted boys who started out in hard places. I don’t know what sort of training you received through the adoption agency. Most of the time, not much, or not enough. I can recommend some books for you to help you figure out your daughter. (Not that you have time to read) The Connected Child by Dr Karen Purvis. Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control by Heather Forbes, and Bryan Post, and Adopting the Hurt Child, and Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky. A website called Empowered to Connect also has short articles and videos to give you bites at a time. This is through Texas Christian University and Karen Purvis is head of the research department. This is a tough journey, but not impossible. I know since I am living this with my two boys.
I have 3 boys, almost 8, almost 5 ad a 3 month old. I wanted a girl so bad, but we’re done. I don’t question why God gave me 3 boys (knowing i wanted a girl sooo bad bad)but the days where i feel like I am constantly fighting with them, arguing, talking back,attitude,etc. are days that i shut myself in my room and cry and ask God why are they making this so hard for me? My almost 5 year old does not leave the baby alone, i repeat myself and threaten all day everyday and am exhausted. Everyday is a struggle for gratitude and appreciation for things in life and respect. I know this is a season and i’m praying it will get easier and during this time that God encourages me and equips me to handle/raise these boys. 🙂
I also have 2 H2H boys. My oldest, 10, is really bringing me to my knees! I was in tears just last night. We are very consistent with him, yet, he continues to “push”. Sometimes he is devastated by his actions, while other times he could care less. He is struggling with friendships at school and or the first time, he isn’t completing his work or turning in assignments. Each time I think, “we’ve go that under control”, something new comes up. I feel as though I’m failing him. I fear for him. I know to give him to God daily, I do. After the Peace comes, something new happens. I desperately need wisdom, guidance and patience.
I have 4boys and my oldest is my husband’s step son. He is my hardest to handle and he is living with his dad right now ink a different city and going through some very difficult times. We talk on the phone/text and I visit once a month and he comes by us once a month. The hardest thing I’ve ever done is let this boy go into God’s hands. I have prayed hard for him over the years because of his behavioral struggles. I prayed protection, etc over him and have the prayer journals from a time a year and a half ago when something still was allowed to happen to him while he was by his dad. The anger i have felt with God and the guilt i have felt as a mother is overwhelming. Please pray for this young man…he is almost 13. Please pray for me to be present as much as i can to him and still be there for my other 3 boys. Also, for my husband and i to be a united front with all of the boys. Thank you so much and thank you for being open and authentic about your own struggles. It helps so many others!!!
Thank you so much for this post! I really needed to read this a couple times for it really register with me. I have been requested to have a meeting with the school for one of my boys ( again) *audible sigh*. These meeting usually degenerate into what he is doing wrong, what we are doing wrong and what the school is doing wrong. I think I will start the meeting with a quote from your post if that is alright. “It’s who God made them to be, and one day he’ll use it for something good.” It’s a perfect descriptor of what I wish the teachers would see. I can do everything imaginable everyday to try to change my child to be who they want him to be but in the end, it is what it is. He is a loud, boisterous hands-on-keep-you-on-your-toes kind of boy, but he is also one of the most loving and kind souls I know. This Lent I have been working harder to understand my boys and I think that statement will also help on those days where I am at the far end of “what were they thinking” land to just bring me back to center. Thank you again!
Great post. Just what I needed this morning. my 4 boys are amazing but I feel like I live in zoo most days. 🙂
Exactly. Perfect analogy 🙂
You absolutely can, Rose. I think part of fighting for our boys is learning to tell others what to believe about them…those things only we see, but are really and truly there…We have to train others to see our boys the way we do. You can do this!
[…] “God, couldn’t you have given me easier boys?” It’s a question I’ve asked God many, many times since realizing my …read more […]
As a mother of two “hard to handle boys”, it’s so amazing to me that when I find myself questioning, ” why me” the most, an article like this comes along. Thank you God for using Brooke and TMOB community to build each other up, so that we do not fall short of the glory you have Blessed us with. I pray that we all recognize that through our hardships in raising boys, we will be reminded of the warriors of your kingdom that are in the making. I thank you for giving us our strength where we are weak to press on. You trust us and love us! Stay strong mama’s! Thank you Brooke!
His timing is perfect. I almost didn’t post it. This one was a hard lesson for me, and hard for me to post. So glad God prompted me to get over myself and do it anyways 🙂 I’ve prayed for you, Monica.
I am so glad He did! It is so good! Spoke directly to my heart. Thank you again! Praying for you as well!
Yes!!! SOOOO gals you posted this!!! Thank you So much! Even in Jan 2017, this hit me right when I needed to see it! I am & have been struggling w/ 2 hard to handle boys & it has been wearing me down & I believe this was def a God-whisper 🙂
I have one hard to handle boy but it feels like he’s equal to 3. He’s 16 now and harder than ever. I’m at my wits end. Never want to give up though. Just really really hard.
Isn’t that the truth? Each one feels like they’ve got enough “boy” to be multiples. I’ve prayed for you, today!
I enjoy your blog but please do not make light of my situation with my boy. It has been such a terribly difficult time these last 5 years with him since he turned 11. Our family is stressed out constantly. My 2 younger daughters are stressed by his behavior. We are at the point of sending him to military school. Writing a blog is great but if you invite people to make comments, you have a responsibility to respond with real compassion and understanding. You can’t just try and make the story sound so easy and pretend there are quick fixes. Moms out here are having a very difficult time raising boys in this dangerous world. Flippant responses are irresponsible.
I didn’t grow up with men in the house and raising two grandsons in my 40s is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. They drive me to God’s arms over and over again. Yes, ease pray for us.
Thank you for commenting, DA. I think there’s a growing population of grandmoms raising their grandchildren. I’ve prayed for you today 🙂
I’m raising grandkids now too, two boys in our 50’s, and I would definitely say it is the hardest thing I/we have ever done too. Praying for you DA. Yes, it is a growing population of grandparents raising grandkids. Relatives right now raise right around 10% of the population of kids in the U.S. Grandparents right now are raising 8% of kids in the U.S. These stats are a few years old.
I am deep in the fight for my son, I feel the pressure every day from his school, my family and the world to “make” him behave.They see him as bad and I see him as the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m in the fight with just me and Jesus and my son. I feel like throwing up the white flag everyday, but I know God created my son for a purpose and it’s my job to hang in there.
Please pray for me so I can be what my son needs. Thank you for your blog!
I no longer feel like I’m crazy and incapable.
I LOVE this quote: “They see him as bad and I see him as the best thing that ever happened to me.” You’re on the right track, Stephanie. Perspective is everything. I’ve prayed for you this morning, friend!
Thank you so much for always bearing your heart for your boys and for your transparency for the rest of us who sometimes feel like we struggle alone with our own hard to handle boys. I’ve been in dark places of defeat at times, however I KNOW that God has placed my boys in our family for HIS purposes and that allows me to see the light in the dark places. We are in a good place now and thankful to God for your perspective and encouragement! Fighting the fight for our boys hearts and for God’s amazing plan!
Amen! You’ve got it, Becky 🙂
Thank you for this post. Please pray for my family, especially my 9 year old son. We lost my Dad a couple of weeks ago unexpectedly. He is missing his Grandpa very much. We are not understanding why he had to pass away. We know God has a plan and its not our plan. I am glad my son knows the Lord and has turned to him during this trial of our lives. Thank you for your prayers.
Jennifer, my heart just broke for you. My oldest is 9, and I immediately thought how hard it would be for him (and my youngest) if my father suddenly passed away. They’re so close. I’ve prayed for you, friend. Much love.
I have 4 boys, and one baby girl, all hard in varying and unique ways. We have loud, rambunctious, talkative, dramatic, temper tantrums, etc… And all 4 boys are so remarkable and amazing that it often brings me to tears to watch them just “be” themselves. I never could have imagined so much unexpected goodness to flow from them! The fact that the first two are twins, and were born when we lived 1000 miles from family–meaning that I was dropped headfirst into mothering without a minute to breathe– has been and remains the most difficult challenge for me. Figuring out what is going on with them and how to parent them as my oldest, two very different boys at each new age and stage, is still what makes me feel unprepared most of the time. How many times have I asked God “Why couldn’t I have the same two beautiful sons in my life, and have them a couple of years apart, not born at the same time?!?!” This message, Brooke, is so relevant to this struggle for me, as well as accepting each person’s “hard” parts. I also often think back to the many ways I was hard for my own mother to deal with… Forgive as I have been forgiven, and love as i have been loved…
Yes! Oh Mindy, it does help to remember how much we’ve been forgiven. Well done, sister 🙂
I have 3 boys 22, 19, 13. Our oldest we just found out is an alcoholic, using cocaine and is suicidal. He has been in a Behavioral Unit for 3 days now and is about to be released. Our middle son is heading to court in a week to find out his punishment for a DUI. I really needed your message today and I have found strength in it. The last few days have been a struggle for me to get my Bible out. Not only has this affected our boys but it seems like my husband and I are at each others throats too. It just seems like a nightmare!!! Thanks for the encouraging words today!
Goodness, are you ever under attack! I’m heart-sick over your pain right now. Lifting you up and praying a fresh breath of faith in the midst of it all! Truly! Our God is kind, He is not slow or thoughtless, He cares and He loves. I’m standing in the gap for y’all tonight, praying FAITH and HOPE and PEACE…. and even JOY and LOVE. All the fruit of His Spirit in you all, as you abide in Him amidst this storm.
Thanks for sharing your heart in this. I have a little boy who is “ALL BOY!” in every way and I grew up in an all girl household with a single mother so it has Really been a challenge for me raising a son.
I have 1 H2H boy who has Aspberger, he is turning 12 in a week! The struggle is daily! He is so strong willed. I also have a 10 year old daughter who has grown up watching her brother and mimics all the negative things she has seen. It’s a DAILY struggle that I need to be on my knees more! I have questioned God so many times and I totally agree with accepting our kids for who they are and not what we want them to be. I know this but still let it slip my mind constantly when I’m in the middle of the struggle. My daughter also deals with depression and anger at such a young age. I know my Son’s heart is in the right place but not so sure about my daughter. I feel like Satan has a huge hold on her.
I can relate to your struggles, Laura. I’m lifting you and your circumstances up to the Father right now. “For I know that the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to hard you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Believing His promises alongside of you tonight, Wen
Oh, Brooke. This is SO good. Your words have been such a blessing to me as I parent my own “hard to handle” boy. Your words about fighting FOR your boys instead of against them on the Inspired to Action podcast have remained with me and I’ve been following your writings ever since.My boy just turned four, and is lovely, sensitive, thoughtful, insightful, wise, and full of wonder about this World God made for us.
He is also intense, explosive, aggressive, strong-willed, oppositional and, did I mention sensitive?
He is having a terrible time adjusting to pre-school 3 mornings a week, and acting out terribly at home.
I would be so thankful if you could pray for peace in my little guy’s heart, patience and peace and endurance for his Dad and sister and I, and that I would find the strength and wisdom to raise him to be the man God intends him to be. Thank you, Brooke, for making yourself vulnerable in exposing your challenges in order to help others like myself.
Thank you for the words of encouragement! I have a 10 year old boy, a 4 year old girl, and , a 3 year old boy. They are all hth! Insanity seems to be a way of life, every day a fight. On top of all of that my beautiful mother, my best friend, has been diagnosed with a kind of cancer that hardly anyone lives through. I keep saying to myself, God has a plan for me. When all I really want to do is run and hide. I guess what I need is a lot of prayer! God bless!
Dear Lord, I’m lifting Amy up to you right now. Her sensitive heart and her high energy people and her sweet Mama… you know it all! You hold it all in the palm of your kind hand. Please give Amy a sense of your goodness in the midst of all these challenges, help her to cling to You like never before, and place a new song in her mouth, a hymn of Praise to You, God. Give her mother comfort, as elongate their days together as days of joy and not suffering. Grow the children up to know you and make You known, and may they rise up to bless their mother and bring joy to their home… And so much more, Lord, You know it all. And we love You desperately. Believing, Amen.
I signed up for these articles some time ago and often I read them and think, ‘this doesn’t apply to me because my son’s troubles are different now, he’s older”. No longer is it the long hard days of having a wild child…now he’s 13 and with that has come a whirlwind of new struggles. I read this article today though and it touched my heart because my son is still hard to handle. Although he comes from Christian parents who regularly attend and are involved in church and pray and study God’s word at home….he has found a crowd of kids at school who are not enriching his walk with Christ. He has made some poor decisions and gotten into trouble at school…serious trouble. I have prayed and cried so much and wondered what I could have done differently. I thought I was doing everything ‘right’. But after reading this article this morning, maybe it’s time I have to let go of trying to control what is happening in my son’s life and give him completely over to God. This is a scary thing because I know that God has a plan for my son….but how much more will we have to endure before my not-so-little boy finally gets back on track?? I see so much potential in him because I know who he REALLY is…but I’m not sure he believes in himself. Please keep our family in prayer here in Ohio.
From my own experience, only when I did give up control and give my son back to God did things start to improve. It is hard because we know that God’s plans are not always what we want to endure and sometimes they just suck. But, your choice is to totally believe that what God has in mind is better than what you have in mind and to trust that whatever the outcome God’s will be done. I will be praying for you and your son!
Wow, this article really hit home with me. I have twin boys 11 years old who were born premature 28.5 weeks. They have had to overcome many obstacles growing up. I started them on early intervention when they were 18 months and have since been trying to do all I know how to “catch them up” to where they need to be. I have prayed and quit praying for my boys since they were born. Ashamed to admit, mostly quit praying because it’s so hard and so frustrating when I don’t understand and sometimes don’t want to understand why God would not just give the healing needed to these boys their mom feels they deserve. They are both behind in learning at least a grade level and have also shown signs of ADD & ADHD. Now I REFUSE to even entertain the idea of going the medicine route. I have tried various “natural” remedies with not much luck, have done way to much yelling, screaming and punishing to try to get something to change, with not much luck. Now, I am on the verge of giving up……every aspect of my life with my boys seems to be a battle, from the little things, eating what I put in front of them, listening when they are told to do a simple chore, to the harder things, staying focused in school, having the “want” to learn., I could go on but I’m sure all the moms can understand. I love them dearly and do want only the best for them but I am running out of faith and ideas. Thanks for listening and please keep us in your prayers. Their names are Mark and Matthew.
I’m a different woman with different boys, and yet so much of this rings true in my own life. The desire to run and hide can overwhelm an already overwhelmed soul! Two of my boys have pretty extreme ADHD and it takes so much of my energy and heart each day (each moment it feels.) I homeschool one of them and then spend the afternoon hours helping the other one do all of the work he was supposed to get done during his school day. It is exhausting. And yet… and yet we can’t give up. We know that. You know that. I am just preaching what you and I both know right back to us, and praying for God’s Holy Spirit Power to enable to run the course to the end. Let’s pray together, “Dear Lord, Your ways are not our ways, no doubt about it, but we confess that You are a kind and loving God! Simply believing that in our hearts is the best way we can worship You some days. I lift up Michelle to you, Father, and ask that you speak truth to her heart and refresh her with your long-suffering heart. And Mark and Matthew, I am praying for them too, that they would grow up and into the men you desire them to be when you wove them together and fashioned every one of their challenges for purposes of good and not evil. I ask that you protect them from negative self-image, but that they grow to believe you did a good job when you put them together. I pray that what are challenges today will be strengths one day. I pray this all in the redeeming name of Jesus, Amen.
just a powerful post today… wow
My hard thing is parenting three boys while my hubby travels a lot for work. I have supportive friends and family, but somedays this slightly introverted mama has had enough people time.
I have one hard to handle boy. He’s always been hard and at 19 it’s never gotten easier. This past year I finally gave him back to God. I’d tried so hard to be in control and nothing I was doing was working. I was slowly losing my son. I said to God, Your will be done. Hardest thing I ever did because as you know His will can sometimes be hard to take. But, my son decided to enter rehab. It could’ve been much worse. I’m happy to say he came out rededicated to God and at this time is doing well. Is he any easier? No. But, I’m having to learn that I’m done. I’ve given him the tools and he knows he has my unconditional love and support. That’s all I can do.
Dear Lord, I’m lifting Amy and her son to you today. Just as her boy came out of rehab rededicated to following you… I’m rededicating Amy and her choice to trust you with her son. So often we say, “He’s yours” then keep stressing about your goodness in our children’s lives. I’m standing with Amy today, reaffirming our faith in your sovereignty over each of our boys’ lives. – Amen
Reading this blog, as well as the comments posted, as given me a new sense of hope. Like many of the mom expressed, Im a mom pf to H2H boys and I felt like I was failing them. Just yesterday, I blamed the cconstant disrespect, fighting, and not so loving environment of my house on me. I often question that if I change ME and my inconsistent behaviors, then they will change theres. I don’t pray much with them or about them because sometimes I’m left speechless. And when I tried to pray with my 9 y/o, I would get frustrated that I felt like he was using that time to avoid going to bed and not fully understood understanding the purpose of me. Please pray for me in finding the strength to consistently and aggressively pray for my family and my boys. I pray God moves something in me to be consistent in my ways in provide the stability and examples that my boys need.
Be faithful in planting God’s word in them. It may seem like it doesn’t make a difference, but there us power in speaking God’s word. Remember we are in an endurance race, not a sprint. Parenting is SO hard, but we serve a faithful God who meets all of our needs.
My son has a medical problem that means he has very poor bowel control. I need to spend over an hour a day in the bathroom making sure he gets cleaned out so he isn’t constantly soiling himself and just hoping we get it under control enough that he can go to grade 1 next year and not have to be home-schooled. This is not what I imagined my life as a parent to be like! However, I put up a crucifix in the kitchen this year for Lent (it seems to be the room where I spend most of my time). My Dad saw it and commented and I told him whenever I’m lost in the storm, I raise my eyes up to the cross to ground myself. Dad said something about the great sacrifice of Christ and my 6 year old piped in, “Yeah, my poop problems are really nothing compared to what Jesus had to go through.” Wow, that just hit me. 2 Cor 4:17 “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”
Things seem so hard when we’re in the midst of them, don’t they, Sarah. I love it when our kids help us see beyond our circumstances 🙂 Praying for you!
Sarah–I have the same exact problem with my daughter–I have to do the same thing everyday and have the same fears as you do for next year (1st grade). Not that I would wish this on anyone but it is so comforting to know that there is another mommy out there struggling like us because some days I feel like we are the only ones! Thank you for the encouragement!
Thanks for this post, Brooke! I have walked through some trials this week with my 6th grade daughter and there have been so many tears and why questions. BUT this perspective of praying for God’s perspective and praying that he would use the hard places is so incredibly encouraging for me. Right here, right now. So thank you for being faithful in writing it.
Please pray for me and my sons. One is 9 ,14 the other 20 both having serious focusing challenges at home and school and I feel like throwing in the towel.I feel so guilty for not being around as much to steer them in the right direction. And my husband is depressed from life and the other challenges that our eldest son is experiencing.
I am trying to keep the woman’s it’s the issue of blood on my heart that her faith healed her even before she touched Jesus in the midst of the crowd but I am struggling.
I needed this right this moment in life! Thankyou for your words of encouragement and the reminder of my purpose. I lie in bed two nights ago crying that this is not what I thought being a mother would be like, that I can’t do it anymore, that I have no idea how to help my one son who is struggling on the brink of adolescence. He’s on the spectrum and I’ve spent the last 12 years of my life revolving around his ups and downs. His moods shape our family. The only time our life did not revolve around him was when my 7 year old daughter was battling cancer. He has made great improvements in communicating his feelings, no longer self harming or talking of death. We even went a couple years with no melt downs. But a couple months ago it seems all that progress just disappeared. And his daddy and I, and brother and sister for that matter, are standing here dumbfounded. It has been such a drastic regression. And I feel I can’t do it again. I can’t go thru it all again. I don’t want to experience it all again. Why do I have to do this all again?! THIS is not what being a mom was supposed to be. My idea of “being a mom” has become skewed. The Lord gave me THIS child and he gave this child ME for a mother. The verse “…your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither at your ways my ways declares The Lord…” Isaiah 55:8, comes to mind. 🙂 THANKYOU! Today’s post was the gentle reminder I needed. The JOY of the Lord is my strength, I can stay the course because that is what I’ve been called to do. I will allow The Lord to turn my “bitter water” to something sweet, Exodus 15:23-25. That all being said, prayers are greatly welcome 😉
So I feel a bit silly asking for prayer for this, but here goes… In the current “season” I’m in, I have two boys (5 & 2.5) and a baby girl. My boys are lovely, active, full of life. One on one, they can be a lot of fun. They enjoy each other, but when I leave them with a babysitter, they are extremely hyper and out of control. They do things they know they aren’t supposed to do, and they feed off of one another. Although there have been no serious injuries yet, I can see that coming. It makes me nervous to leave my kids with a babysitter, but we do not have family in the same state and most of our friends have small kids as well. We have need of regular babysitters, so I’m asking for prayer to find a few good sitters who can handle my boys, for my rest and trust that they’ll be safe in the hands of another, for obedience, and anything else that seems relavent. Thank you!
I am a mother of two boys. One just turned two this month and the other is five and half weeks old. I know that there will be many challenges over the years. But my hard time right now is disciplining my strong willed two year old who is, in my opinion, showing signs of some anger issues. When he gets mad or frustrated he throws or bites things. He still isn’t talking so he isn’t using his words. I believe in not sparing the rod but when he gets a spanking he either runs away and laughs, hits himself or bangs his head, or cries and sometimes to the point of throwing up. I’m also still struggling with breastfeeding the baby, some post partum depression/baby blues, and making sure I’m showing enough love to both of my boys while taking care of myself and making sure I have something to give to my husband at the end of the day when he gets home. I have wanted to give up. But I can’t. I feel like I’m drowning. I have a friend who has seven kids. I don’t know how she does it. I want to be more like what I see in her. I’m stressing over family, home, bills, and self image.
My husband has been angry and verbally abusive for a long time. When he started physically injuring my children, I had to walk away. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It has been 10 months, and we are still sorting ourselves out. As a single mom with four kids, everything seems hard. The hardest thing right now is seeing anger in my my 9 y.o. and 10 y.o. Yelling. Throwing furniture. Injuring siblings w/o remorse. Rebellion and disrespect toward me. It makes me feel I should have left sooner. I see them echoing what was modeled. I am holding onto the fact that God is bigger than all of this.
I just found out I’m having another boy. My second born is a hard to handle boy (now 3) and my first born is a hard to handle girl (now 6). I really had my heart set on another girl, because while my daughter is hard to handle, I feel like I’m less of a failure as a parent with her. Most of the time any efforts I make with my son seem futile. So I’m back on this site again looking for the wisdom of other boy moms. Because I just don’t know how I’m going to handle another one.
Thank you for the post this morning. I was brought to your blog because I have an amazing young son and daughter both of which are very strong willed. My prayer request is a little different though. I have just been hanging on by my fingernails juggling regular challenges of life, homeschooling, etc. Then, my Mom’s health took a huge downturn. She is now moving closer to us so we can help her more. Mom has mental health issues in addition to her physical challenges and I grew up in an abusive home. God has worked over the years and there has been forgiveness and healing. I have to admit though this is the biggest mountain that I have ever faced. One that keeps me up at night at my inability to do this. I know He alone is able but it truly scares me. Please pray for me. I want to point my children to Jesus through this, keep my home and family balanced… Thank you so much! Here’s to the beauty that can come out of the ashes!!!
I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me, as I have often asked God that same question. I often feel like a bad and inadequate mother. I have raised my children mostly on my own. My teenage son has become very arrogant and rebellious, I am overwhelmed, tired and he angers me. Even though God lead me to this site and I am thankful, I note most of the articles are centered around younger boys. The journey of a mother never ends we just venture into unknown stages of their journey. Please, pray for us parents with teenage and those with older sons. Thank you.
I have been through so much with my boys. Sometimes as I listen to other mom’s tell about how their child got this scholarship, won this award, placed 1st in this sport and that competition and on and on, I get very discouraged. It’s a flood of emotions – a mix of jealousy, anger, discouragement. I have nothing to brag about – my son is failing in school, he has no interest in anything. I’m thrilled just to get through the day without incident. But that doesn’t compare to all the other achievements that all the other kids are making. But one day, God showed me that those are all material things. And while achievements are great and scholarships are great – He is greater! My boast is in the cross! I will run for the prize that will last forever (1 Corinthians 9:25) So, while I may not have a lot of earthly achievements to brag about, I can boast in the cross. I know what God has done and what He says that He will do! That will last forever! I have to remind myself of this often and I can only imagine that other mom’s of hard boys face the same thing. “may I never boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ” Galatians 6:14
I am a single mom of a 16 year old. His dad was abusive to me and our son.
Now my son has been dealing with issues for about two years with counsellors and psychiatrists. He is on medication. Now he wants to drop out of school. I am frustrated and worried about him and his future. Please pray for him and that I might have strength for my hard boy.
Hi I just read this and I got relief just reading the title. I have 5 boys who are all the “hard to handle type” Then on top of it I’ve single parented them most of 18years they range from 18-5. They all have different issues going on so far 4 out of 5 have learning disabilities, ADHD, depression and anxiety. Then you throw in my husbands addiction with good time and then relapse then he goes to jail just a vicious cycle. The financial struggle is hard too. I often get mad at God that not only do I have 5 hard boys I have to do it with no spouse most of the time so I question Him. Thank you for this post it helped me a lot as does prayer. I know its ONLY by Gods Grace that I’m able to even raise these strong willed boys of mine and I pray your words are true that they will see God through me not giving up on them. I say the Serenity Prayer often. I also think if it weren’t for my boys I have I wouldn’t think I need God as much so in a sense they keep me closer to Him, which I’m grateful for that.
I have two boys 6 and 7. When they were 4 months old and 1. Their father and i split up i went in a downward spiral headed for the worst. 6 years of my life was then taken up by a full blown addiction to IV drug use and hell. 6 years i couldn’t see my boys and i lost everything. Skip forward to today. I am 19 months sober. Ive surrendered to my addictions and have come to know god like never before. 3 months ago i got custody of my boys back. I havent seen them for 6 years and the youngest who was 4 months old when things fell apart and i essentially left. Never knew me. Its challenging most days but i know this was apart of gods plan all along. He chose my steps..allowing me to be broken down and wrecked thru addiction to know and appriciate the freedom and joy and peace i have today. I NEEDeD to read this and it needed to be tonight! In just felt i could not go to sleep without leaving a little comment. Thank you for this!!
Please pray that my 18 yr old son is delivered from his addiction & demons. He has lost site of God. May God lift him up & cast away his addiction. It is destroying our family. His 12 yr old brother is greatly affected and I worry for both of them. They have both been hard to handle boys and I pray for them daily. Please pray that my 18 yr old realizes he needs help and that the Lord brings salvation to him, softens his heart & brings Godly friends into his life that lift him up, encourage him & keep him from his addiction. Pray that I have continued faith, strength and that my fears & doubts are drowned by faith. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
God called me back to being a nurse after homeschooling my kids aged 7 and 5 1/2 at the time for 3 years. I was exhausted having endured through some extremely difficult family issues during much of my time homeschooling as well as 3 miscarriages. My heart was broken and I was broken. He spoke to my heart as I called out to him in desperation and surrendered my desire to be a stay at home mom to him. It wasn’t working, my relationship with my kids, especially my son who is a kinesthetic learner was falling apart. God is his mercy provided scholarships for our kids to attend a respected and truly Godly Christian private school. He gave my husband a part time and then full time job in ministry with benefits. I floundered for a bit trying to figure out where he wanted me to be and why he had called me to nursing and finally found a community pregnancy center and ministry where I began volunteering, was taken through US training and eventually became a nurse sonographer for a total of 4 different Christian pregnancy centers over the next two years spanning two major counties in the greater Los Angeles area. My struggles with parenting, and dealing with post traumatic stress from my miscarriages in addition to all the difficult family issues eventually led me to a ministry called Celebrate Recovery where I found hope and healing as I went through a year long step study program to overcome my struggles with anxiety, depression, fear, control and codependency. As I have continued to pray and ask the Lord for balance between my work and family life, he has graciously provided me with a part time job in a growing Christian pregnancy center that will work alongside my roles as mom and nurse provide us with the means to continue to live on our own. I recently asked to be released from a commitment at the pregnancy center that did my ultrasound training that I have volunteered at for almost 2 years in order to take on my new job and step into the more balanced family and work life I have been praying for and was refused. So here I am at 4am reaching out to you for prayer. My fridge is nearly empty, my bathrooms and floors are dirty, we have a puppy who barks or destroys things of he isn’t played with constantly and I have two preteen children who need their mom to be more present in their lives, not to mention my marriage that is struggling since my husband and I only get one full day off together a week. Please pray for me and for my family that we will be able to endure whatever God is calling us to do till my commitment is either fulfilled or I am released from it.