Wow, we’ve given away a LOT of content over the last few days! Maybe you’d like a recap of what we learned in all of our Fighting for Those Hard-to-Handle Boys video series in written form? (To watch them, click the link under each video description).
In this video, I told you a little about myself, my own hard-to-handle boys, and why it is that I really do understand what you’re going through as you try to raise them in what may actually be the fight of your life.
- Our battle to raise godly men may have more to do with our own hearts than anything else.
- Just like in math, when we change one piece of the parenting equation, the entire outcome WILL change. A + B = C, but X + B equals something totally different. As God changes YOUR heart, the outcome in your home will change too. Just give it time.
- The only person in your home you have complete control over is you. That’s why spending time getting your own heart right before the Lord is the very best thing you can do.
- If our sons’ knees are every to bend to Jesus as Lord, their hearts must bend first. Therefore, reaching their hearts must be our top priority.
Video #1 (How to Help Other People Handle Your Hard-To-Handle Boys)
In Video #1 we tackled a truly difficult subject for most moms of H2H boys…other people’s expectations for them…and discussed five things we can do right away that not only changes our perspective, but also helps other people handle our boys.
- We fight FOR them, not against them.
- We create a Biblical vision for behavior we’ve decided beforehand is OK, and refuse to punish them in public for what we’ve decided in private is OK.
- We train others to understand our boys by choosing the words we use to describe them intentionally and purposefully. Words build up or tear down. From now on, the words we use to describe our boys will help other people see their value instead of making them look bad.
- We intentionally surround them with people who love and understand them and we’re willing to do the hard work of removing people from their lives who don’t.
- We never, ever apologize for who God made them to be at their core. Apologize when they hurt someone. Apologize when they do something wrong. But never apologize for who they are. God created them hard-to-handle for a purpose. Apologizing for it keeps our sons from walking in who they were meant to be.
Video #2 (How to Keep from Losing it When Your Kids Won’t Obey)
I believe there’s a literal epidemic of angry moms in and outside of the church today, so this topic is super important. In video #2 we learned that:
- God gave you your emotions, they’re not bad, they just need to be submitted to His Word.
- God holds everything together, not you. There will be days when the stress of feeling like you have to keep everything from falling apart overwhelms you and makes it difficult to respond with grace. Remembering that God holds all things together can help (Colossians 1:7).
- In Psalm 13, God has given us a beautiful model for how to gain control of our emotions. Verses 1-2 show us David’s raw emotions…his gut response to an incredibly difficult situation. He cried out to God. Told him he didn’t understand what He was doing or why He was doing it. David laid himself bare before the Lord and got real and raw about how he felt. In verses 3-4 things start to change. We see David ask the Lord to “light up his eyes.” In other words, “God, help me see this situation the way You see it. Help me see this through Your eyes, not mine.” It reminds us that our perspective and God’s perspective are usually two totally different things, and that it’s always to our benefit to release ours and ask God to give us His. His is always right. If what we feel and what God’s Word says are two different things, we’re wrong. In verses 5-6 David’s entire outlook on the situation radically and drastically changes. Now that he can see God’s perspective, he chooses to trust Him. We called this process “Feel, Know, Do.” FEEL your emotions, KNOW that your perspective might not match up with God’s, and then DO the work that’s required to change them so they honor Him.
- Be prone to worship. The emotions of the moment can threaten to overwhelm us and make us wonder away from God, making us do things we never thought we’d do, behave in ways we never thought we’d behave, or say things we never thought we’d say. We can choose instead to be prone to worship. When you find yourself in a situation where everything feels wrong, go and worship the Lord. Turn on a song, say a prayer, remember your salvation, remember the things He’s done for you. Remember who He is, because who He is can change the way you see everything else.
Video #3 (How to Create a Framework for Godly Behavior in Your Sons)
The question I get asked most often after people watch the first two videos is, “How am I supposed to know which behaviors are OK for my boys and which ones aren’t?” In video #3 I explain how my husband and I do this in our home by:
- Remembering that it’s a process…one that will change and morph as our boys mature. Behavior that is appropriate for a toddler might will not be for a tween.
- Becoming a student of your son. Really get to know who he is, what his individual gifts are, and understanding his strengths and weaknesses. This will take time and energy, but it’s worth it in the end.
- Creating a list of positive character traits that your son currently possesses. Learn to pour into them, and help him function in his giftings.
- Creating a list of positive character traits you wish your son had. Purpose to model them for him.
- Looking to the Bible for examples of godly men whose character traits you want your son to model.
- Studying child development so you can understand what your son is capable of and what he isn’t. Expecting a two year old to have the mental capacity of a 13 year old is unreasonable and will only create more problems.
- Considering your surroundings. Are you consistently placing your son in situations that set him up to fail? Perhaps consider your home as a training ground, especially when they’re young. Spend time there teaching them right from wrong. Then, when they’re old enough to understand what’s happening around them, spend more time with others outside of your home.
Now it’s time to get in the fight!
Don’t make fighting for your sons something you hope to do one day.
Make it what you do every day.
Click here to learn more about joining Brooke McGlothlin and the MOB Society in the Fight Like a Boymom program where you’ll find your roadmap to raising hard-to-handle boys. Learn to fight FOR your sons instead of AGAINST them and change the entire tone of your parenting.