About Melissa Smallwood

The holidays are quickly approaching.  Maybe you have a Norman Rockewell-esque extended family. Or, maybe like mine,  your family tree houses a few situations you would rather not have to explain to your children.  I encourage you to view this time as special, including the teaching opportunities that can arise when our children are exposed to situations that do not line up with God’s desire for the family.

Here are some things to remember this season that can help you “tackle the talk” with your boys and teach them tolerance, grace and biblical values.

• Why does Aunt Suzie live with her boyfriend?  They aren’t married.  This is an opportune time to remind your child of God’s plan and desire for marriage.  {Genesis 2:24}
• Why didn’t Uncle Joe bring Aunt Lynn this year?  Unfortunately, divorce impacts half of all marriages in our country.  Our children need to understand that God does not desire divorce {Mark 10:11} but He loves the people going through the divorce.
• Fill in the blank with the situation in your family that makes you cringe {and secretly hope your son won’t ask about, especially at the Thanksgiving dinner table}.

Situations like these and others that arise when families get together are nothing new.  If Jesus needed to address them when He was on earth, then we are not going to rid our world or protect our boys from being impacted by them until Jesus comes again.

We can, however, choose how we react and respond to these issues.  We can choose to demonstrate the love and grace of Jesus to our family members {whether or not we agree with their behavior}.  Through our actions our children can learn how to extend love, not judgment.  Then, we can choose to teach our boys about the impact of sin in the world and what God’s heart is for the family and sex and relationships.

Most importantly, we can use these situations as a reason to pray with our children.  Pray for your family member’s salvation.  Pray for God to convict their hearts.  Let your child be a witness to the power of Jesus working in someone’s life. I can’t think of a better way to “tackle” these difficult and sensitive issues with our boys.

Any delicate situations in your family this year? Maybe take a moment to pray for them now and offer other wisdom you’ve learned for handling them with grace in the comments?

A friend recently asked me if I think that “expecting purity” from my children is “realistic in this day and age”?

Oh, how that question pained my heart and brought me to my knees.

Reading through the book of James {you can join the read-along here}, I find many warnings about aligning my values and my choices with worldly wisdom.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. ~James 1:5

I want and need Godly wisdom in my life.  I want and need Godly wisdom to be a good wife.  I want and need Godly wisdom to raise my boys to lead pure lives.

There have been plenty of instances and circumstances that have allowed me to have the conversation with my children about purity that I have handled well.  There have been plenty of times that I have been a poor example.

So, today in considering our responsibility to “Tackle the Talk” with our sons {all throughout their childhood} I want us to consider passing on God’s wisdom to them.  I want us to consider how to help them discern God’s truth in a world that is full of contradictory “wisdom” of its own.

Next month, our family devotions will be focused on a chapter of Proverbs each night. {We go through this book occasionally on months that have 31 days as Proverbs has 31 chapters}.

One of my favorite verses in Proverbs tells us this “My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck.  Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble”…Proverbs 3: 21-23

Here are three ways we can help our sons discern Godly wisdom over worldly wisdom:

• Pray.  This is our son’s direct line to God for advice, strength and wisdom.  Teach them that God is accessible to them anytime and anywhere if they just call on His name.
• Read.  God’s Word is our main source of wisdom.  Let us spend time imprinting God’s Word on our children’s hearts and minds so that God’s way is the first and foremost thing they turn to.
• Submit.  Raise your child up with a healthy respect for authority.  A respect for your authority as their parent and more importantly, God’s authority as their Heavenly Father.  Obedience is blessed by God.

Moms of boys, let us teach our boys to pray, to read and to submit.  Let us expectantly pray that through the God, whom through nothing is impossible, purity is attainable for our children in this day and age.

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Don’t forget to mark your calendars for Saturdays in November as The MOB Society joins the MOD Squad for an exclusive series, Hope for the Weary Mom!

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Last month, we dipped our toes in the waters of covenant, a crucial theological concept and one that is vital when teaching our boys about marriage and sex.

This month, I wanted to continue that conversation in a more practical way.  Let’s talk about how to teach our boys about the concept of covenant from a young age so that when it comes time to explain the marriage covenant and God’s views on sexuality, the concept is already on their hearts and minds.

The word for covenant translates to “a binding agreement”, according to dictionary.com.  If you look up the origin of the word, you could add serious or solemn to that definition to fully understand the Biblical translation.

What are some situations where we could illustrate this principal to our kids in everyday life?

• Adoption. If you have friends that are adopting a child {or maybe that privilege is taking place in your own family}, this is a perfect opportunity to talk about covenant.  In adoption you are making a promise {oath, covenant, vow} to make that child yours as if they had been born from your womb.
• Baptism. When our Pastor baptizes someone, he often uses his wedding ring as a metaphor for what baptism means.  Wearing a wedding ring doesn’t make you married but it symbolizes the commitment you have made to another person.  The same goes with baptism.  It is an outward act, demonstrating a person’s promise and desire to follow after Jesus.
• Disappointment. Sometimes someone makes a promise to our boys and breaks it {sometimes that someone is us, as mama’s}.  The disappointment they feel in those situations can be used to teach them how seriously God takes promises and covenant and how His heart must feel when we, as His children, don’t take those same promises seriously.
• Weddings. Weddings take my breath away now that I have a true understanding of covenant.  Watching a couple exchange their vows before God is a great opportunity to explain what covenant looks like.
• Rainbows {and other Bible stories}. My boys loved the story of Noah and the ark when they were little.  Even today at 18, 15 and 13 I say rainbow, they say “God’s promise”.  Take God’s Word and make it living and active in the life of your child.  There is no better way to show God’s concept of covenant than through His own Word.

The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says: “This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.” Then he adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.” ~Hebrews 10: 15-17

What does covenant meant to you? How are you sharing that knowledge with your sons?

Understanding the biblical concept of covenant has opened my heart to a deeper understanding of God’s heart for me, God’s heart for His people and God’s heart for marriage.

The phrase “make a covenant” is mentioned 13 times in the Old Testament and the Hebrew words “karat beriyth” are translated “to cut a covenant”.

There is much to this theology that I do not have time to get in to here but I do want to talk about how it relates to our sons and their sexuality.

One of the places that covenant is referenced in the Bible is in relation to the marriage relationship (Malachi 2:14).  In the Old Testament, cutting covenant involved cutting through pieces of flesh and producing blood, such as during the sacrifice of animals.  In the New Testament, Christ’s death on the cross satisfied this requirement.  God takes covenant very seriously and expects His people to as well.

During a study on Covenant, by Kay Arthur I learned how the physical marriage relationship mirrors  the “cutting of covenant”. This blood covenant is even illustrated in marriage. The virgin bride bleeds when the newly married couple consummate their relationship. Marriage is a sacred covenant.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh Genesis 2:24

Today’s culture and society has lost sight of the seriousness of the covenant of marriage and the role of sex. Sex is symbolic of a covenant between a married man and his wife. A covenant that we will be held accountable to one day.
In a culture where sex is viewed casually and more than half of marriages end in divorce, we as moms need to teach our boys about covenant.
Help them to understand the beauty of covenant, the seriousness of covenant and the responsibility that comes with covenant. Having that knowledge, in their minds and their hearts, will help them take sex and commitment seriously in the future.

Here are some resources if you want to learn more about covenant and marriage/sexuality:
~ The Marriage Bed
~Covenant, God’s Enduring Promises by Kay Arthur

Is this a concept you had considered when tackling “the talk” with your boys?