She was simply searching around on the internet. It was no big deal, she mused. A mindless escape from the sibling rivalry going on down the hall and the mounds of laundry piled high on the couch.
When his picture popped up on her screen, all the memories of their former connection came into focus as clearly as his smiling profile. Of course, that was 15 years ago. By now it was water under the bridge and way out into the sea.
Still, she dug around to see what his life, without her, looked like.
Eventually, she clicked off the computer and walked down the hall to check on her kids before starting dinner, but try as she might, she couldn’t stop thinking about that special first date-the best one she had ever been on, with him. Her husband’s phone call jolted her back to reality. He would be late. As usual.
What if? She wondered…….
And that’s so often how it begins-the seemingly innocent day-dreams of relationships and days gone by caught in a mental time capsule of constant youth and happier times that rival sharply with cheerio encrusted floors and over-worked husbands.
The fantasy doesn’t give reality a fighting chance.
The ethereal nature of wishful thinking is a coy but dangerous mirage that is one of Satan’s favorite tactics to destroy our families. When moms and wives begin to believe that the life they are currently living is a mistake and that the “other” option would have been better, they are on the road to forsaking the real possibility of joy and happiness for a corrupt trade of certain pain and loss.
Moms, longing and lust are powerful emotions! You don’t have to look too far to find a family that has been torn apart by a spouse’s unfaithfulness. But it doesn’t even have to lead to an actual physical encounter for harm to be done to your family. Discontent in any form infects the way we parent and creates a barrier to true love and intimacy with our spouses. We can never be the moms we desire to be if we dabble in any kind of romantic thoughts that are outside of marriage. The acidic nature of discontent erodes the happy tone of our homes that are meant to be a safe and joyful atmosphere for raising our children. Look at what the Bible has to say about it:
He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. Proverbs 6:32
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Mathew 5:28
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18
So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words, who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God; for her house sinks down to death, and her paths to the departed; none who go to her come back, nor do they regain the paths of life. Proverbs 2:16-19
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
When temptations begin to dance around the edges of our hearts, we need to silence the orchestra of thoughts that we are entertaining. God tells us that the way to combat temptation is to flee from it! If you are struggling with contentment and with your marriage, then the wise thing to do is to pray and to work towards strengthening your bond, not escaping from the vow you made before God. The harm that infidelity will do to your innocent children is reason enough to resist temptation.
Letting our emotions take over our need for romance will only lead to manifold heartache-for us, our spouses, and our children. It’s in direct opposition to the stewardship that God has given us as mothers to love and nurture our children by creating for them a stable home life. Lust will always feel right but it couldn’t be more wrong. As mothers whose roles are to be both a model and a light to our children, let’s be very careful about living in an alternate reality that is bathed in darkness.
A Prayer For The Mom Who Struggles With Discontent:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Keep me from temptation. Rid my heart of longing for anything or anyone that is not pure and true and right. Lord, create in me a new heart that seeks to do to others as I would have them do to me and replace my selfishness with humility. God, thank You for helping me to resist temptation. Help me to take every thought captive and to think on things that are good. Strengthen my marriage that my husband and I would be an example of sacrificial love to our children and may they feel secure in our bond. In Jesus Name, Amen!
“I heard that 85% of what we worry about never actually happens.
I figure this is good news…because it seems that my worry is productive. I worry, and consequently, 85% of those calamities never see the light of day!”
Well, that’s one perspective, but in reality, it doesn’t rid us of the worry and fear that can grip a mom’s days and nights and skew her perspective.
My son just got his license…will he get home safely tonight?
What if the youngest falls from a tree?
If a storm comes up while they’re out on that boat…
Fear is really the mother of worry, and it’s easy to let this pesky duo rule the day. Understanding some truths about fear can help us shut down fear’s field day.
Fear is a paralyzing emotion. It keeps us from doing, going, reaching out, moving forward.
Consider what you may have missed—or what your children have missed—because of your fear. But don’t stop there. Vow to “let it go.” Remind yourself in fearful moments, “What am I standing in the way of?”
Fear doesn’t share well; it crowds out all the good around us and makes us miss the joy.
Think back to a time when your fear got the best of you. The word “joy” is probably nowhere in that picture. A replay of that time leaves no room for wonder, excitement, or new opportunities God may be calling you to. Now replace that memory with a time you can remember stepping out in joy and fun and wonder with your boys.
Fear is based on a fallacy—the misconception that we can control everything around us.
Who’s in control? It’s so easy to think we moms make the world go around. When we shed that misconception, we can rest in One who is greater. There’s freedom in realizing you are not the bottom line, Mom. Psalm 46:1,2 reminds us:
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear…”
It’s freedom, not fear that we want to pass along to our sons.
But how do I get rid of worry and fear?
I say, look up and look around.
God will help us with our fears if we only ask, but we can’t go to Him with tightly clenched fists…we have to open our hands and relinquish our burdens. We have to drop them at His feet. We have to let go and trust Him to take care of our boys, our families, and us.
And once you’ve looked up, remember to look around. Moms need community, so don’t try to go it alone. Find another mom to encourage you. Let her be a blessing to you, and be one to her, too.
Fear paralyzes us, narrowing our focus and blinding us to all the blessings around us. But when we shift our focus to the One who takes care of everything, He crowds out the fear. We may not understand what God’s doing, but we can rest in His love for us, and trust His heart. We can remember his words:
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will up hold you with my righteous right hand.”
Reach out for His hand, Mom, and banish your fear.
Model trust for your boys and they’ll learn to lean on the One who’s really in control.
Some more resources on dealing with worry and fear:
As Queen of All The Laundry in your home how many “team” shirts have you washed over the years for your loyal subjects…I mean, sweet boys?
Between all the athletic-wear, the extracurricular t-shirts for every club and activity under the sun (thank you, Spanish Club, Math Club, and Chess Club), the school pride shirts, the color-coordinating shirts you bought for the last family photo shoot, and the proverbial wear-this-to-the-class-field-trip-so-we-don’t-get-separated shirt…let’s face it — you’ve washed more shirts than you probably care to count!
Our boys get so many awesome opportunities to showcase the teams, groups, and communities they are part of and now…it’s our turn, BoyMoms!
Introducing the first, limited edition t-shirt for Mothers of Boys from The MOB Society!
*insert heart eye emoji here*
That’s right! We’ve designed this limited edition shirt to give our growing, vibrant community a way to showcase their BoyMom status proudly! With over 175,000 moms of boys in our Facebook community alone, we felt it was the right time to offer a shirt that lets us find each other and share the message and ministry of The MOB Society with other BoyMoms who might not know about us yet! As an added bonus, all the proceeds from this beautiful t-shirt will go directly back into funding the work of Raising Boys Ministries!
The shirt is available for an extremely limited time — only 6 more days!
You can purchase yours for only 19.95 (plus shipping) in one of the gorgeous colors below — Heathered Charcoal, Heathered Pink Raspberry, or New Navy!
We know you’re going to love this shirt as much as we do — go ahead and click here to purchase your shirt today! And be sure to share this awesome campaign with your other BoyMom friends and family via social media by using the links below!
My husband would tell you I come from an emotional family. My family (men included) cries at commercials, movies and meaningful happenings in our lives. After seventeen years of being married, I’d say we balance each other pretty well. I still cry when the news shows kids running to their fathers returning from active duty. I held my child in the backyard the other day and cried at the mercy and kindness of the Lord that our kids teach me on a regular basis.
A year ago the Lord hit a huge pause button in my life and what I thought was a life of limited emotion was actually overflowing with undealt-with emotions from both my kids and me. I had reached a point where I yelled, got frustrated, and lost my temper over things that did not merit that kind of emotional outburst. It hadn’t happened overnight and the stress that had coiled around my heart and head would not unhinge quickly either.
As my heart and head unwound and I realized that fear -the one emotion that had driven me beyond distraction – was rippling out from me and being replicated in my kids. I feared that my kids would fail…that my son had ADHD…that I was a terrible mother…that I wasn’t engaged as a mom…couldn’t keep the laundry up…the floors, the meals…the list went on.
Emotions Must Be Dealt With
Emotions must be dealt with. As my mom says, emotions are like trash: When they are not dealt with, but stuffed in a closet somewhere instead, they begin to rot. And like trash, it stinks and begins to leak, and no matter how much you try to keep the door closed to avoid the smell or leaks from seeping out, it just gets worse over time. You begin spending all your time and energy keeping the door of that closet closed and the stink at bay, until you collapse in exhaustion, unable to control it any longer.
What seemed like punishment from God, when He hit the pause button, actually allowed me to open the closet, take out the trash, and deep clean the closet for (healthy) future use.
His Word Heals
Over time, I began reading the Word more. I read it in a different translation, which gave me new perspective, and read His words to me more consistently that I had been in recent months. I spent more time praying. C.S. Lewis says “Prayer doesn’t change God, it changes me.” I would agree wholeheartedly. I prayed and spent time in His word like it was the oxygen. I wish I could tell you that I faithfully had been reading all along, but when fear begins to wrap its way around you, there is a loss of perspective.
Giving back all those emotions to the One who created them, asking for Him to take over and help you manage them, THAT is freedom, my friend. If you struggle with anger or frustration with your boys, check out our No More Angry MOB (private) group. It will encourage you and hold you accountable.
You Are Not Alone
Know you are not alone. We all have emotions that need to be dealt with. I am praying right now that He will provide the perfect friend to help you “take out the trash” and walk alongside you as you heal.
Lord, bless and protection these sweet women who ache to control their emotions, the emotions of their kids, and maybe more. We give you our emotions and ask that they be used for my good and Your glory. Thank you for the host of amazing, Godly women that contribute to the MOB Society and that You surround us with, to affirm in each of us that we are not alone. Amen.
No, really. When I was in grad school, I was the most anally organized person around. Looking back, I can see that it was sheer survival—stay organized or fail graduate school—that made me so crazy on top of everything. I had spreadsheets, wall calendars, pocket organizers and calendars, etc…you name it, I used it.
The only thing I didn’t use was a calendar app…because there was no such thing back then…ahem.
Enter all the boys.
A few years ago, my husband actually said to me, “Brooke, I really thought you were going to be more organized than you are. What happened?”
What he thought was a character trait—one he admired—was actually just me functioning under pressure. It just so happened that I was in grad school the whole time we were dating! Prior to marriage, he never saw me in a non-pressure situation. Turns out I struggle a lot more with organization skills than he ever dreamed possible.
Why? Because my children have turned my life upside down!
Believe me, I mean that in the nicest way possible! I’m glad they’ve turned my life upside down, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. But homeschooling two boys, running a business and a ministry, writing books, and keeping up with a family of four’s schedule is more than my poor brain can manage. My friends actually joke about what I’ll forget next. Having a planner (and actually using it) is an absolute necessity for me. But not all planners are created equal.
I’ve been searching for years for the perfect planner to help me manage my life as a business mom, and last year, finally found it!
Here’s why the iBloom Life and Business Planner is so amazing…
1. It is thoroughly and completely biblical.
I don’t mean this planner is the only one sanctioned by the Bible…I just mean that it is skillfully and carefully crafted to help the Christian businesswoman plan her year, months, days, and moments with God in charge.
2. It’s perfect for the blogger/online entrepreneur.
This planner covers everything I need to help me think through my business/ministry plan for the entire year. With places for yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily planning, and questions designed to really help me think about my brand and who I’m trying to reach, it’s been like having my own personal assistant!
3. There’s lots of room to make notes.
I’m a writer…no actually, what I mean is that I’m one of those people who needs to scribble notes to myself throughout the week. I need to-do lists, appointment lists, and things that tell me where I’m supposed to be, when. You guys, I need all the help I can get to actually make it where I’m supposed to be, and this planner has made a large dent in the amount of times I’ve forgotten something important. It’s saved my life on multiple occasions!
4. It’s easy to carry.
I slide mine right inside my bag and take it with me most everywhere I go!
I’ve been actively using the iBloom planner for about a year now, and I couldn’t be happier with it. My search for the perfect planner has come to an end, because this one is it! When Kelly Gore, President and Founder of iBloom, reached out to me to see if I would do this review, I jumped at the chance! Honestly, I would’ve done it if I hadn’t been asked because it’s just that good.
Through August 14th, Kelly and the iBloom team are offering a special discount code just for MOB Society readers!
If you’re a work-at-home mom, entrepreneur mom, or business mom you need this planner, and when you use the word “BROOKE” at checkout, you can get $10 off the total price! That means you get your copy for only $40! A steal, if you ask me!
Here at The MOB Society we are committed to equipping and encouraging parents to raise godly men. And as a community of BoyMoms, we’re learning to delight in the chaos of raising boys along the way! Click here to read more about our story and the heart behind our ministry. And to meet our co-founders Brooke and Erin and the rest of the team, click here.
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