The Power of an Answered Prayer

By on April 21, 2012 in a mother's heart, connection with boys, growing godly men, Life Lessons, Uncategorized

Last year, my family and I took a leap of faith…we packed up everything and moved from the open plains of Texas to the rolling hills of Tennessee.  Leaving a home of 16 years came with many changes ~ missing the comfort of family & friends, leaving a church family that played an integral role in the restoration of our marriage, uprooting the familiarity of school & jobs, and giving up ever knowing how to get to the grocery store without getting lost for 30 minutes!  It’s absolutely been a season full of trust and growth spiritually and emotionally as we’ve gained our bearings in this new life.

One of the hardest parts of this move as a momma was the impact on my children.  At first, they were excited about the new adventure as we looked for a home, new school, and new church. And bit by bit God has blessed our obedience in this move as we’ve slowly settled in to a life full of community and jobs filled with ministry. However, as the months wore on and the newness of the move wore off, both my children started to show in different ways their uncertainty with all the change.

My daughter has always been an extrovert and is blossoming into a beautifully empathetic daughter of God.  When she’s stressed, frusturated, lonely, mad…she prays and writes letters to God to sort out her feelings.  She has a beautiful child like faith and praises Him daily through song and dance and joy.

My son is more like me…a true introvert.  We are quiet, observant, drawn inward to our thoughts.  Taking a step towards friendship and community is a challenge to our nature. However I knew with this move, he and I both needed to really step outside of our comfort zones and seek others.  God has really blessed my efforts in ways I could not have hoped or dreamed for. For my son, it was a little bit harder.  As an extremely logical and practical child, he had a hard time understanding why God didn’t immediately answer his prayers for friendship.  But he kept on being diligent in his trust, finding ways to look at a painful situation in a positive way.  In October, I wrote about him learning how to be a friend.

It took a few months after this initial post for my sweet boy to see any results of his prayers and obedience.  In fact, he never became more than acquaintances with the boy mentioned and asked endless questions about why God wouldn’t answer his prayers for a friend NOW.  We had sweet countless talks about the sovereignty of God, the beauty in the waiting, His perfect answer and timing.  Some days my boy was faithful in trust, some days he’d cry with the loneliness.  But he always worked his way back to trust.

One sunny day, we noticed a new boy had  moved in.  It took my son a few days to pray through his fear of rejection and fear of walking up to someone he didn’t know, but he finally did.  Now, they are inseparable.

On Easter Sunday my son was baptized…and one of the main reasons he cited to me when he accepted Jesus into his heart was because of this situation….My son had lived through the tension of waiting, the hard path of obedience in faithfulness and trust, and the perseverance of praying to a God who sometimes uses the hard changes of life to bring us closer to Him.

 

 

 

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Embracing My Boy Mom Role (When Maybe I Really Wanted a Daughter)

By on April 2, 2012 in Uncategorized

I was fifteen when I picked out the perfect girl name for my future daughter.

I grew-up in a house of blond-headed, blue-eyed girls, and the idea I wouldn’t have a daughter didn’t even cross my mind. I couldn’t wait to pass down the copy of Little Women my grandmother gave me. I looked forward to buying sparkly shoes and lacy socks. My mom was my best friend, and I hoped to have a relationship like ours with my daughter.

Now I  have a sweet and sensitive David, and a busy and boisterous James, with a Joel on the way who we can’t wait to meet—but no Anna Elizabeth. We have stacks of books on dinosaurs and super heroes, and tennis shoes with no sparkle and socks with grass stains. But I’m learning to embrace my role as boy mom. I’m counting my (messy, loud, busy) blessings. 

If I had girls instead of a house full of boys:

  • I wouldn’t know wrestling moves had specific names like figure four leg lock, back breaker, and iron claw.
  • I could not have told you that Spider-Man’s enemies are Doctor Octopus and Green Goblin, but not Joker or The Penguin (they are Batman’s enemies).
  • I wouldn’t be able to name every single train on the island of Sodor.
  • I wouldn’t be so good at getting out stains.
  • I never would have said, “Sure, just go behind that tree.”
  • I might not know how painful it is to step on Lego pieces with bare feet.

Sure, I’ve missed out on hair bows, ruffle bloomers, princesses, and nail polish. But I don’ really think I’ve missed out at all. I know God gave me exactly the kids I would need, and the kids who would need me. I’m still learning to be the best boy mom I can be. And it sure is fun!

What would you have missed if you didn’t have boys? Share in the comments so we can celebrate our sons!

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T

By on March 21, 2012 in a mother's heart, connection with boys, Gentle Parenting, growing godly men, guest post, the heart, Uncategorized

A few nights ago, we watched the movie, “Fireproof.” This movie had many excellent points that stood out to us, as with most viewers, but something that really stood out to me was Caleb’s demand for respect and his feelings of being unloved. I have thought to myself over these past few days, “Am I respectful? Do I show respect, love and appreciation to my family- my husband and two boys?”

Am I respectful when my son wiggles his way through dinner? Or when he suddenly must go to the bathroom when all that is left are the veggies on his plate?

How about those times when he physically demands my attention because he is tired of hearing, “Not Right Now, I am ___ ( making dinner, doing dishes, feeding your brother…)”

Do I show him love and respect when we are at the grocery store and he begins behaving in a way to let me know he.is.done shopping? Am I rough with him, behaving in a way that shows I am losing my patience?

This idea of respect has been on my heart lately as I reflect on this massive task that I have of raising men. What an enormous task it is! My children are almost 4 and 1 so I know how large the responsibility is and how much must be taught. But there are times when I treat my kids, well, like kids, and I need God to remind me that they won’t be kids forever. They will grow up and play independently so I won’t get to say, Not Right Now. They won’t want to be seen with me. They will want to be dropped off a block away from a friend’s house. Soon, far too soon, they both will be men; husbands and fathers.

When my heart is grabbed by these realities, it makes me consider how often other factors affect how I treat my children. My frustrations at work, my inner disappointments, those ugly thoughts that creep in- they all affect how I treat them. I want my children to know respect, love, patience. I want my children to know that I respect them, love them and I need to show patience with them.

Historically, mothers have faced these questions, only in different settings. Mothers have had to let their boys go into the world in search of adventure, love and life and hoped they had given that son everything he needed. Some mothers are sure of what they have accomplished. Moses’ mother, Yoshabel, only had him in her arms for a few short years. She taught him… she loved him… and he was a knowledgeable, confident Prince of Egypt. What if I only had a few short years with my son? Would he remember, as he journeyed into life to become a man, how much I taught him or how much I love him? Or would he remember my irritation of yet another bathroom break, my impatience at the grocery store, my lack of playing light sabers or my gruffness?

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. ~Charles Swindoll

Being a mom is a hard job, which we all will attest to, and some days I do better at it than others. My goal is to be sure that I am showing my love to my children with all my heart. I will be respectful of their silly boy-ways of doing things. I will remember that my boys think LOVE is spelled T-I-M-E and will be respectful of that need. Without this, I won’t be confident that I have given my children everything they need to be strong, loving, respectful men.

Bonnie Garrett spends her days with her husband of 8 years, Jeff, and their two sons. She works for an online school in Ohio, where she gets the privilege of teaching while working from home. She is constantly learning more about being a strong Christian woman, wife and mother. She enjoys reading, music, scrapbooking, and the sound of her children laughing.

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Parenting by Faith: Overcoming Fear

By on March 19, 2012 in a mother's heart, adventure, guest post, Life Lessons, Raising Older Boys, Uncategorized

We all want for our sons to be courageous;  to be able to face difficulty, danger or pain without fear.

But what happens when our young men want to step out and do something so courageous, so out of the ordinary, that we fear for them?

I have often been asked that question because 4 years ago, our then 16-year old son came to my husband and me asking to do something just such as this.  It was courageous and bold, beyond anything that we would have ever dreamed for him.

Our son is Zac Sunderland. The question he asked was if we would let him sail around the world.  In fact, it was less of a question and more of a statement.  Something like, “I could do that you know.” He was referring to the round the world sailing documentary we had just watched as a family.

The main reason that we wholeheartedly embraced this undertaking was in some ways simple;  we had been praying for him to find a passion that he could pour his considerable energy into.

The other reasons were more complicated and came from a lifetime of God gently leading us to let go of fear in raising our children and following the Lord’s direction for their lives.

A Pattern of Fear Broken

Moms of young children can relate to the fear of not knowing exactly how to parent these precious gifts from God.  Are they turning over, sitting up, crawling, walking, talking at the right ages?  Are they advanced or behind?  And, oh my, what if they are?

Then comes the terrible 2s {or in our case the terrible 3s}.  Even with my degree in psychology and after the many courses on child development I took while I was in college, I still wondered if I had done something terribly wrong the first time my son threw a tantrum in public.  A tantrum so outrageous that I’m sure the other parents who were at the park that fearsome day still speak of it!  Yet, the boy grew, his brain developed and he overcame his impulsiveness, learning to use words and not fists.  Most kids do, you know.

Then came school.  Private or public – could we homeschool?  What would be the best thing for our child.  Fear, doubt.

Then the learning struggles.  How can such a bright child not be reading by now?  What if he never learns to read?  Yet learn he does.  In His timing.

Puberty.  He has hair where?  Calm yourself.  Breathe.  Young men have been going through puberty since the beginning of time.

Yet the fear, the worry is there;  rooted in a desire to provide the very best upbringing for our children.  Yet what does the worry gain for us?  Does it make adolescence any easier for them?  for us?  I think not!

Then prayer;  deep, fervent, heart-felt prayers for the heavenly Father to step in to take control.  Oh, was that where we should have been all along?  Should we have laid these fears down – taking these thoughts captive that come against the all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful Creator of the universe;  the creator of my child, my children.  LORD, fill him with your purpose, your passion.  Guide him onto the path that you have for him.

Then…

“I could do that.”

“Yes, you could.”

And looking back at this boy’s life, it is as if he had been preparing for this adventure for his entire life.

With prayer, there is confidence.  There is a deep understanding of a the strength of God that is ever present in our lives and the lives of our families.

If you look back through your life, the same pattern is there.  God has been gently leading you from one experience to the other.  He uses the one experience to grow you so that you are prepared for the next.

He is faithful and leads our children through experiences they need to form their character.  Even {and especially} the hardships that our children face are surely there for their benefit.

He tends his flock like a shepherd:  He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart;  he gently leads those that have young.  Isaiah 40:10-12

Marianne Sunderland is a homeschooling mom of 8 lively and adventurous children – 4 boys and 4 girls.  Married for more than 20 years, she attributes all of her worldly ‘successes’ to an ever-deepening walk with God.  Her heart’s desire is to encourage other wives and mothers and attempts do so at her blog Abundant Life.

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