Why Won’t They Lead?

By on August 26, 2011 in growing godly men, leadership, physicality of boys

“Every man feels that the world is asking him to be something he doubts very much he has it in him to be.” ~John Eldredge, Wild at Heart

I hear so often people lamenting the fact that there aren’t many REAL men out there leading the way – in church, in families and so on. Is this discontent happening where you live as well?

And while it is good to ask questions, figure out root causes, and challenge men to step up where they are now, it is BETTER for us as moms of boys to take action NOW with the future men God has entrusted to us.

As I am re-reading Wild at Heart, there are SO many things jumping out to me as challenges directly to us as mothers to raise leaders starting at a very young age.

The first problem is with what our culture has been saying…

“The idea, widely held in our culture, is that the aggressive nature of boys is inherently bad, and we have to make them into something more like girls.”

I am a girl. The “aggressive nature” of my boys caught me completely off guard. And my natural inclination was to stifle that.

Bad idea…

#1 – It’s almost impossible to suppress.

#2 – That is not allowing them to be who God designed them to be.

#3 – In stifiling their aggressive nature, I would be taking away an essential asset for them as a leader.

When I say “aggressive,” please do not read “bully” or “dictator” or anything along those lines.

I know when the word “aggressive” is mentioned, Scriptures about turning the other cheek and peace and such will be brought up as a counter argument. I do NOT want to raise men who push people around. But I love what Eldredge has to say on this very point…

“Yes, Scripture teaches wise use of strength and the power of forgiveness. But you cannot teach a boy to use his strength by stripping him of it.”

This is where I needed a wake-up call. If we want to raise men who step up to all God has for them, men who accept challenges and fight battles, men who lead the way into new lands to conquer, men who STAND UP FOR JESUS, we cannot take away their God-given strength.

Which brings me to the next issue…

I say no too much – to running and jumping and play-fighting and the like.

I used to say it a lot more, but I am seeing the good that come out of situations that seem crazy and out-of-control to me. I let them wrestle it out and feel strong. I let them play-fight and they develop stories of good defeating evil. I don’t jump into an argument right away and I see character develop as one boy learns to listen or forgive or agree to disagree.

God’s designs are never flawed. He made our boys exactly who He wanted them to be so they would become exactly the men He designed them to be.

“But God’s design – which he placed in boys as the picture of himself – is a resounding yes. Be fierce, be wild, be passionate.”

And we are the ones to tell them YES to all that God made them to be, so that one day they WILL become the passionate leaders so many are looking for today.

Will you accept this challenge?

*****

**All quotes taken from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. As a mom of boys, and probably a wife as well, this is a must read.**

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In Bigger Hands

By on June 17, 2011 in a mother's heart, Boys in Motion, Life Lessons, physicality of boys

They stand cheering, gathering around the stopwatch to see who bested who this time. If that weren’t enough, now they pull out “the ramp.” As they prop it against a huge cinder block and prepare to launch toward it, it’s all I can do not to go racing myself toward the sidewalk.

There’s so much I want to protect them from; it’s only natural. Not only physical hurts, but the wounds of the heart – betrayal of a friend, disappointment, even that lost first love.

I think back, though, to one particular instance. One day we were sitting around the dinner table reminiscing, and the oldest reminded me of the time he put his finger on a light bulb – to see if Mom was right. I remember when he sheepishly showed me the tiny blister, and we talked about bigger dangers, about how Mom wasn’t trying to fence him in or take away his fun; she was trying to protect him.

What followed, though, I didn’t expect. Unknown to me, each one of our four boys had done the same kind of thing! At some crazy, curious age, they had tempted fate (and God and Mom) by, as it were, “touching the light bulb.” I thanked the Lord that these were small forays into danger, but it made me realize how little I really did control as a mom.

I watched as friends turned on them at times, hurting all the while. But I couldn’t step in and make it all right. These were hard lessons, but lessons best learned in youth while they had the love of a caring family and a haven at home. Mom was there to listen, to pray, to encourage, and to build up. Having three brothers – built in buddies – didn’t hurt either.

My boys’ protection? I can do my best, and I must. But ultimately, they’re in the hands of One who’s bigger and stronger and loves them even more than I do. I remind myself of that every day.

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Loving Them Not Their Actions

By on May 24, 2011 in physicality of boys

It’s not a secret that I love listening to K-LOVE Radio. It’s the number one button on both the van and our kitchen radio. I love the positive aspect from the music to the news segments. Even with the recent flooding and tornadoes there is always a positive spin.

The other day there was a mini segment from Focus on the Family. While I don’t remember exactly what was said the message I got was “love them, not what they do“.

One of the examples it gave was the physical aspects put on our little boys. Praising them for their home run, touchdown, goal, and other sport triumphs. The recommendation wasn’t to do this as it can set them up for disappointments, instead to love our sons as God loves us.
Alaina Frederick Photography

Unconditionally.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails … 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (NIV)

Doesn’t matter if they are a chess lover, an artist with words, or even the schools VIP player – it’s them you love. Their soul not their actions. It’s such a hard thing to express though. I have found it helpful to remind myself as the milk spills across the table, dripping down onto the chair and finally making our new carpet white that ‘God loves the little children.’

Sure I may be upset in the moment but just that quick reminder calms the soul and allows me to show love through a calm teaching moment instead of my boys seeing instant anger.

Society teaches us that we are only defined by our successes – especially men. How wonderful would it be to change that starting with our sons and allow a new society to blossom!

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Preparing Him For His Future Wife

By on April 26, 2011 in growing godly men, physicality of boys

She flutters her eyelids, and puckering her lips as far as she can get them, leans in to place a kiss on his forehead.  In turn, his eyes widen and he opens his mouth wide…

to bite her.

~~~~~~~~~~

Snips and snails that find themselves alone in a sea of sugar and spice face many challenges, but why pity a boy for his solitude among several sisters?

He – who headbutts them to say good morning, and tackles them to demonstrate friendship – may find his rough and tumble invitations to play unwelcome, but even now, has an opportunity to begin the life long process of understanding women.

While one tries to mother him, another incites him to begin an adventure.  Another delights in his “conversation” and “gifts” of toys.

They are a triptych of femininity, each embodying vastly different manifestations.  They teach him to see the heart of a girl – how to esteem her feelings, understand her moods, anticipate her fears and peek in to her dreams.

A boy such as this may hunger for male company {thank goodness for friends!}, but is preparing for his most important human relationship.  As I pray for my son’s future wife, I praise God for his sisters, who teach him when to be brave for them, when to be sweet to them, when to be silly with them.

He is Prince Sigfried to their Princess Odette and Odiele.

Diego to their Dora.

And always, a fearsome and tender little teacher to them, as well.

~~~~~~~~~~

How does your son relate to sisters or friends?

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