Daddy’s Lap

By on March 27, 2012 in connection with boys, Gentle Parenting, growing godly men, guest post

Twice today, I looked over at my husband, and found his lap very full.

The first time, our 11 year-old sat nestled in his strong arms. Talking over the morning’s events, his face fresh with contentment. The second lap-full, our 12 year-old… as tall as his Daddy, legs draped to the floor. Unfazed, he still finds complete comfort ; Daddy’s embrace a safety net in this confusing world.

It dawns on me that both scenes look kind of awkward, each a man-child, so big in their Daddy’s lap. They no longer curl up nicely in a compact way. In fact, they are kind of messy… just like everything else that is coming with this age.

It is no longer always a simple task to figure out the answers to their questions. The simple ,”Will you play a game with me?”, is now shortly followed with, “How will I know what God wants me to do in a couple of years? Will I know what job He has for me?”

Bumps and cuts that were once a band aid fix are turning into broken hearts to mend. And, I am learning, more and more, that the answer is letting go and watching God, and that fixing them sometimes requires allowing my own heart to break.

No, this young man age is not a simple one, but complex and ever-changing. And, let’s just be honest, it can be, dare I say, annoying. Temptation rears it’s head to respond in a “leave me alone” tone. Selfishness says “I don’t feel like playing with you right now, and I’ve heard about your dreams…. many, many, many times. I am busy right now.”

Keeping my mouth shut is the first step, and it is then that I am reminded just how few the years are that we have with them. In that quietness my heart is spoken to, the Holy Spirit, loud and clear, “Love him. Love him completely, as I love you.”

Then somehow, on the last ounce of strength left for the day, I find what it takes to play one more game of ping-pong, listen to one more story, dream one more dream.

The truth of this passing time is very evident, and I realize this is my only chance. Now is my one shot to love him completely, point him towards Christ-likeness, to be a real presence of Jesus.

The picture is clear to me… my boys in their Daddy’s lap…

Their security allows them to love and be loved.

The security we provide for them is, and will be, exactly how they view God.

Then, when Daddy’s lap really is too small, they will know it is okay to climb into their heavenly Father’s lap. For in His lap is perfect love and security.

A pastor’s wife and Mommy to 4 incredible boys, she finds most delight in caring for her family, standing in awe of God’s every day gifts and moment by moment love. She enjoys music, homeschooling her boys, reading, coffee with friends, and creativity. Drawn to all colors bright, she dreams of having her own large field of wild flowers. She shares her heart concerning all of these things and more at her blog Loving and Laughing, a Life Worth Living.

 

 

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Aliens and Sacrificial Love (& a 21 Days of Prayer Announcement!)

By on March 26, 2012 in a mother's heart, connection with boys, Gentle Parenting, growing godly men, guest post

Many times during our twelve years of parenting, my husband and I have looked at each other, exhausted and frustrated and panicked, thinking to ourselves, This is not what we imagined when we said, “Let’s have a baby!” Somewhere along the way, our precious bundle of joy struck a deal with an alien and switched places.

Screaming, name-calling, hitting, pushing, blatant defiance and disobedience. Our ten year old middle child’s behavior disrupted the entire family. We grounded him, we threatened him, we even resorted to Operation Garbage Bag and put all of his toys in the garage. Nothing worked. We were lost, desperate, angry. We cried out to God for wisdom.

And – faithfully, compassionately, sovereignly – He gave it.

One afternoon, I called the alien into my bedroom.  I closed the door and sat on my bed, inviting him to join me.

“I want to tell you the story of you,” I began. Then, lovingly and respectfully, I recounted my tale. I told him how ecstatic we were when we found out I was pregnant. And then, in specific but discreet detail, I described all I experienced and endured.

Morning sickness. “You know how yucky you feel when you throw up? I threw up every day for a month.”

Labor. “Can you remember the worst tummy ache you’ve ever had? I had that every three to five minutes for about nine hours…”

Nursing. “You know how it feels when you fall on your bike and hit your private parts? Imagine someone squeezing you there really hard for twenty minutes, then throwing up all over you, and coming back to do it again every two hours, around the clock, every day.”

Exhaustion. “You’ve seen your two year old cousins this year. That’s how old your sister was when you were born. I had to take care of you and her, and Daddy was working a lot. None of our family lived close enough to help me. There were many days I couldn’t even take a shower.”

Soccer. “We could take a really nice vacation with the money we spend for you to play, but we don’t. We spend three to four hours in the car every week, just taking you to practices and games. We know God has gifted you to play soccer, and we love to watch you play, so we don’t mind doing this.”

At the end of this extended, detailed speech, I said, “I want you to look at me and remember this. All of these things I told you about? This is why I deserve your respect, and why it makes me sad and angry when you treat me badly and call me names and say that I don’t love you. I have endured so much for you, and I have sacrificed everything for you. I love you.”

He gazed at me with his huge, liquid brown eyes – the same eyes that captured me when I held him as a wrinkled, bald, beautiful newborn. He snuggled up next to me.

“I’m sorry, Mom.”

With that, The Alien returned to his home planet, and my sweet, tenderhearted, obedient son returned.

I knew that illustrating the proof of my love and how much it cost would reach the part of his heart he had closed off to us, and I hoped he would respond with tender humility and gratitude. I knew how much happier he would be when he returned to who he really is.

How much like our children we are. Disobedient.  Defiant.  Unkind.  Disrespectful. And does not God similarly speak to the prodigal? I love you so much. Here’s what I did for you. This is how much I gave. I gave My life for you. I sacrificed everything because I love you so much. Please let Me love you. Please act in love and gentleness so you can experience the life I have planned for you.

And how much more peacefully and joyfully we live – with ourselves and with each other – when we simply accept His love for us. How much happier we are when we simply obey.

How abundantly we live when our own little aliens go back to their home planet.

Jennifer Hunt is a wife, mom to a daughter and two sons, volunteer, and family taxi driver in Fort Worth, Texas. When she’s not in the minivan, she enjoys observing life and writing about it on her blog, From the Corner of My Couch. She is madly in love with and equally perplexed by the God of the universe, and while she can’t understand how He could love her and repeatedly forgive her daily missteps, she’s thankful that He has given her the gift of words, a heart for authenticity, and a snarky sense of humor.

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The 21 Days of Prayer for Sons challenge is right around the corner! We start praying passionately and purposefully for the hearts of our sons on May 1st! If you’re not signed up, go here to fix that right away!

#21Days4Sons

Starting today, we’d like to invite you to share pictures of your “why.” Why are you joining the challenge? Why, it’s for your boys, right?

Join in the fun by posting pics of your boys (your “why” for the challenge) in the following places:

  1. Warrior Prayers Facebook page
  2. Our free Flickr group
  3. On Twitter.
  4. On Instagram
  5. Blog it!

***If you’re using Twitter or Instagram, be sure to tag the photos by saying, “My Why” and using the #21Days4Sons hashtag so we can all follow along (feel free to use the #mobsociety hashtag too if you have room).

Go, Go, GO!!!!! We can’t wait to see your “why!”

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It Matters

By on March 24, 2012 in a mother's heart, growing godly men, guest post

When Brooke first asked me to write a guest post, I started banging out a lengthly treatise of advice on raising boys, and realized that you don’t need more of that from me. This blog gives plenty of terrific advice.

When I was a young buck officer in the Army, a grizzled old colonel gave me the best bit of advice I would ever receive in my career. “When it comes to giving presentations, there are three rules: Be Brief. Be Magnificent. Be Gone.”

So I shall certainly be brief, try to be magnificent, and will be gone as soon as I have given you a few quick points of encouragement.

What you are doing really matters

I am the product of an awesome boy mom, and my wife is a stellar mother to our three junior gladiators. The effect of a great mother on the life of a boy is one of the few things where adjectives are not sufficient to describe. The power of a woman’s words over a man are profound, whether you are a wife or a mother. If you build those boys up, they will carry it forever.

You are the lens that your son will always see women through.

He will grow up and likely get married, and he’s looking for a wife similar to his mother (for good or ill). How you train him, speak to him, and your interactions with your husband will be closely observed by him, even when you think he’s just over there playing Legos oblivious to you. The good things you do, and the sacrifices you make, are not going unnoticed. He is paying careful attention, and he will always remember it. I did. Even during Lego time.

You are never as bad of a mother as you think you are.

Your sons will notice how hard you are trying and how honest with them you are willing to be. It’s not about perfection, it’s about trajectory. 

Remember that you are grooming warrior men who will stand in the gap for their families and principles.

The earth is full of loser men. We don’t need more. Your loving care, sacrifices, and tear-stained efforts will pay off when you send one more man out into the world who will do the hard things and live as an offering to Christ. There’s no guarantee that will happen, of course. He will eventually make his own decisions. But great training, according to the Bible, will usually set him up for success.

The Audience of One sees it

Self explanatory. The mother of boys is not ultimately doing this for her boys. She is doing it for the Father and in his mighty name. The results are always up to God, not you. Please cling to him and his comforting presence when this gets tough. His is the approval you are looking for.

Bless you all, and stay in the fight. It’s a worthy one.

Cliff Graham is the author of the Lion of War series about the battles of King David and his Mighty Men, soon to be a major motion picture franchise. He lives in Utah with his wife Cassandra and their three rowdy boys.

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T

By on March 21, 2012 in a mother's heart, connection with boys, Gentle Parenting, growing godly men, guest post, the heart, Uncategorized

A few nights ago, we watched the movie, “Fireproof.” This movie had many excellent points that stood out to us, as with most viewers, but something that really stood out to me was Caleb’s demand for respect and his feelings of being unloved. I have thought to myself over these past few days, “Am I respectful? Do I show respect, love and appreciation to my family- my husband and two boys?”

Am I respectful when my son wiggles his way through dinner? Or when he suddenly must go to the bathroom when all that is left are the veggies on his plate?

How about those times when he physically demands my attention because he is tired of hearing, “Not Right Now, I am ___ ( making dinner, doing dishes, feeding your brother…)”

Do I show him love and respect when we are at the grocery store and he begins behaving in a way to let me know he.is.done shopping? Am I rough with him, behaving in a way that shows I am losing my patience?

This idea of respect has been on my heart lately as I reflect on this massive task that I have of raising men. What an enormous task it is! My children are almost 4 and 1 so I know how large the responsibility is and how much must be taught. But there are times when I treat my kids, well, like kids, and I need God to remind me that they won’t be kids forever. They will grow up and play independently so I won’t get to say, Not Right Now. They won’t want to be seen with me. They will want to be dropped off a block away from a friend’s house. Soon, far too soon, they both will be men; husbands and fathers.

When my heart is grabbed by these realities, it makes me consider how often other factors affect how I treat my children. My frustrations at work, my inner disappointments, those ugly thoughts that creep in- they all affect how I treat them. I want my children to know respect, love, patience. I want my children to know that I respect them, love them and I need to show patience with them.

Historically, mothers have faced these questions, only in different settings. Mothers have had to let their boys go into the world in search of adventure, love and life and hoped they had given that son everything he needed. Some mothers are sure of what they have accomplished. Moses’ mother, Yoshabel, only had him in her arms for a few short years. She taught him… she loved him… and he was a knowledgeable, confident Prince of Egypt. What if I only had a few short years with my son? Would he remember, as he journeyed into life to become a man, how much I taught him or how much I love him? Or would he remember my irritation of yet another bathroom break, my impatience at the grocery store, my lack of playing light sabers or my gruffness?

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. ~Charles Swindoll

Being a mom is a hard job, which we all will attest to, and some days I do better at it than others. My goal is to be sure that I am showing my love to my children with all my heart. I will be respectful of their silly boy-ways of doing things. I will remember that my boys think LOVE is spelled T-I-M-E and will be respectful of that need. Without this, I won’t be confident that I have given my children everything they need to be strong, loving, respectful men.

Bonnie Garrett spends her days with her husband of 8 years, Jeff, and their two sons. She works for an online school in Ohio, where she gets the privilege of teaching while working from home. She is constantly learning more about being a strong Christian woman, wife and mother. She enjoys reading, music, scrapbooking, and the sound of her children laughing.

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