Connection With Boys | The MOB Society

The Run-Down

By Guest on March 28, 2012 in a mother's heart, connection with boys, Gentle Parenting, guest post

My 4 year old went to sleep tonight with his Mama pointing adamantly at his door, telling him in no uncertain terms to march his little buns right back to bed this moment, harshly denying his request for a story to help him get back to sleep. He was teary-eyed. Plus he has a mild cold. (sigh) I feel like such a heel. (Fortunately, Daddy was strong where I wasn’t, helping him get back to sleep.)

I hear James in my ear… “Everyone should be … slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” (Jas 1:19)

In my defense, it was going on 10 p.m., and he was trying to convince me he was all done sleeping for the night. My husband is on his third straight week of overtime, missing dinners and bedtimes. He has our only vehicle, so no outings to break up the days. A mound of must-get-done is causing too many late nights. And when my son came out, I was working hard to finish up my “gotta-do’s” in time for a tiny window to relax. You’ve been here, too, I know. Maybe you’re there this moment. Stretched to the edge of exhaustion and sanity. No options but to push through. (How did I do this stuff before Jesus?) So, I lost my cool. (sigh)

Understandable. Forgivable. (thank you) But in the end, I’m his Mama and he’s just a little guy trying to figure out the world, with my help. Of course I’ll fall short again, but with God’s help, I’m a Mama Juggernaut. So, I get back on my horse and head toward that “slow to anger” sunset.

About a month ago, I was inspired for the first time to really explore the 1 Corinthians 13 “Love is” passage. I’ve been energized by the practical use it’s given me in becoming slow to anger. Typically, I take a breath when the heat of frustration starts to rise, then I reason with myself. Paul’s passage has inspired guidelines for my system – squeezed between “breathe” and “reason.” I mentally run down the list of what “love is” until I find the one I’m stumbling over. I don’t usually get past the first two: patient and kind. Then there’s “never self-seeking” later in the passage, but it’s third on my mental list. It gets a lot of use. I equate it with blocked goals… like, boys not quite done splashing in the tub even though I’m ready to move on to jammies.

So, I breathe.

Run down the list.

Get stopped at, say, patience.

Breathe again.

Reason with self about necessity of patience in this moment, such as, 2 year old not capable of keeping anything clean while painting.

Make mental note to get paint smocks.

Recognize outdated, hand-me-down furniture much improved with new paint job.

Smile.

Enjoy messy time with carefree boys.

Occasionally, I need to sit down and read the passage through several times, to renew my heart and face the day again.

Even when I fail, it’s made me keenly aware of my ungracious conduct. It causes me to ask my 4 year old for his forgiveness more than usual. He glows when he forgives. If I were rotten, I might do things on purpose just to bask in his forgiveness.

Which brings me back to tonight’s grubby heart incident with him. Despite feeling like a heel, I have a peace as I get ready to stumble into bed. A peace that goes beyond Jesus forgiving me. Had I not given so much “love” to Paul’s “Love is” passage, my cool would have surely been lost in that first week of long hours. Success. Thank you, Lord, for a well-timed inspiration and helping me grow another step. And, for giving me an understanding I can teach my sons. This will definitely get me through the rest of the week.

Spend some time with 1Corinthians 13:4-13 and see what you can dig up. Hopefully you’ll come back and share it.

If you have a scriptural tool of your own on being slow to anger with your boys, please share!

Lynda Glasgow: I’m mama to two full-steam-ahead boys: Rhino, age 4, born with invisible horns and a penchant for charging; Tiny Boy, age 2, self-named, only sees things as tiny and BIG. Love God, love my husband, love my family. Life is good. Having once been a strong opponent of Christianity, I’m gratefully humbled to see the light.

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Daddy’s Lap

By Guest on March 27, 2012 in connection with boys, Gentle Parenting, growing godly men, guest post

Twice today, I looked over at my husband, and found his lap very full.

The first time, our 11 year-old sat nestled in his strong arms. Talking over the morning’s events, his face fresh with contentment. The second lap-full, our 12 year-old… as tall as his Daddy, legs draped to the floor. Unfazed, he still finds complete comfort ; Daddy’s embrace a safety net in this confusing world.

It dawns on me that both scenes look kind of awkward, each a man-child, so big in their Daddy’s lap. They no longer curl up nicely in a compact way. In fact, they are kind of messy… just like everything else that is coming with this age.

It is no longer always a simple task to figure out the answers to their questions. The simple ,”Will you play a game with me?”, is now shortly followed with, “How will I know what God wants me to do in a couple of years? Will I know what job He has for me?”

Bumps and cuts that were once a band aid fix are turning into broken hearts to mend. And, I am learning, more and more, that the answer is letting go and watching God, and that fixing them sometimes requires allowing my own heart to break.

No, this young man age is not a simple one, but complex and ever-changing. And, let’s just be honest, it can be, dare I say, annoying. Temptation rears it’s head to respond in a “leave me alone” tone. Selfishness says “I don’t feel like playing with you right now, and I’ve heard about your dreams…. many, many, many times. I am busy right now.”

Keeping my mouth shut is the first step, and it is then that I am reminded just how few the years are that we have with them. In that quietness my heart is spoken to, the Holy Spirit, loud and clear, “Love him. Love him completely, as I love you.”

Then somehow, on the last ounce of strength left for the day, I find what it takes to play one more game of ping-pong, listen to one more story, dream one more dream.

The truth of this passing time is very evident, and I realize this is my only chance. Now is my one shot to love him completely, point him towards Christ-likeness, to be a real presence of Jesus.

The picture is clear to me… my boys in their Daddy’s lap…

Their security allows them to love and be loved.

The security we provide for them is, and will be, exactly how they view God.

Then, when Daddy’s lap really is too small, they will know it is okay to climb into their heavenly Father’s lap. For in His lap is perfect love and security.

A pastor’s wife and Mommy to 4 incredible boys, she finds most delight in caring for her family, standing in awe of God’s every day gifts and moment by moment love. She enjoys music, homeschooling her boys, reading, coffee with friends, and creativity. Drawn to all colors bright, she dreams of having her own large field of wild flowers. She shares her heart concerning all of these things and more at her blog Loving and Laughing, a Life Worth Living.

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Aliens and Sacrificial Love (& a 21 Days of Prayer Announcement!)

By Guest on March 26, 2012 in a mother's heart, connection with boys, Gentle Parenting, growing godly men, guest post

Many times during our twelve years of parenting, my husband and I have looked at each other, exhausted and frustrated and panicked, thinking to ourselves, This is not what we imagined when we said, “Let’s have a baby!” Somewhere along the way, our precious bundle of joy struck a deal with an alien and switched places.

Screaming, name-calling, hitting, pushing, blatant defiance and disobedience. Our ten year old middle child’s behavior disrupted the entire family. We grounded him, we threatened him, we even resorted to Operation Garbage Bag and put all of his toys in the garage. Nothing worked. We were lost, desperate, angry. We cried out to God for wisdom.

And – faithfully, compassionately, sovereignly – He gave it.

One afternoon, I called the alien into my bedroom. I closed the door and sat on my bed, inviting him to join me.

“I want to tell you the story of you,” I began. Then, lovingly and respectfully, I recounted my tale. I told him how ecstatic we were when we found out I was pregnant. And then, in specific but discreet detail, I described all I experienced and endured.

Morning sickness. “You know how yucky you feel when you throw up? I threw up every day for a month.”

Labor. “Can you remember the worst tummy ache you’ve ever had? I had that every three to five minutes for about nine hours…”

Nursing. “You know how it feels when you fall on your bike and hit your private parts? Imagine someone squeezing you there really hard for twenty minutes, then throwing up all over you, and coming back to do it again every two hours, around the clock, every day.”

Exhaustion. “You’ve seen your two year old cousins this year. That’s how old your sister was when you were born. I had to take care of you and her, and Daddy was working a lot. None of our family lived close enough to help me. There were many days I couldn’t even take a shower.”

Soccer. “We could take a really nice vacation with the money we spend for you to play, but we don’t. We spend three to four hours in the car every week, just taking you to practices and games. We know God has gifted you to play soccer, and we love to watch you play, so we don’t mind doing this.”

At the end of this extended, detailed speech, I said, “I want you to look at me and remember this. All of these things I told you about? This is why I deserve your respect, and why it makes me sad and angry when you treat me badly and call me names and say that I don’t love you. I have endured so much for you, and I have sacrificed everything for you. I love you.”

He gazed at me with his huge, liquid brown eyes – the same eyes that captured me when I held him as a wrinkled, bald, beautiful newborn. He snuggled up next to me.

“I’m sorry, Mom.”

With that, The Alien returned to his home planet, and my sweet, tenderhearted, obedient son returned.

I knew that illustrating the proof of my love and how much it cost would reach the part of his heart he had closed off to us, and I hoped he would respond with tender humility and gratitude. I knew how much happier he would be when he returned to who he really is.

How much like our children we are. Disobedient. Defiant. Unkind. Disrespectful. And does not God similarly speak to the prodigal? I love you so much. Here’s what I did for you. This is how much I gave. I gave My life for you. I sacrificed everything because I love you so much. Please let Me love you. Please act in love and gentleness so you can experience the life I have planned for you.

And how much more peacefully and joyfully we live – with ourselves and with each other – when we simply accept His love for us. How much happier we are when we simply obey.

How abundantly we live when our own little aliens go back to their home planet.

Jennifer Hunt is a wife, mom to a daughter and two sons, volunteer, and family taxi driver in Fort Worth, Texas. When she’s not in the minivan, she enjoys observing life and writing about it on her blog, From the Corner of My Couch. She is madly in love with and equally perplexed by the God of the universe, and while she can’t understand how He could love her and repeatedly forgive her daily missteps, she’s thankful that He has given her the gift of words, a heart for authenticity, and a snarky sense of humor.

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The 21 Days of Prayer for Sons challenge is right around the corner! We start praying passionately and purposefully for the hearts of our sons on May 1st! If you’re not signed up, go here to fix that right away!

Starting today, we’d like to invite you to share pictures of your “why.” Why are you joining the challenge? Why, it’s for your boys, right?

Join in the fun by posting pics of your boys (your “why” for the challenge) in the following places:

Warrior Prayers Facebook page
Our free Flickr group
On Twitter.
On Instagram
Blog it!

***If you’re using Twitter or Instagram, be sure to tag the photos by saying, “My Why” and using the #21Days4Sons hashtag so we can all follow along (feel free to use the #mobsociety hashtag too if you have room).

Go, Go, GO!!!!! We can’t wait to see your “why!”

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HOPE for Our Boys

By Guest on March 23, 2012 in a mother's heart, connection with boys, Gentle Parenting, guest post

The TV. The grocery store. The playground. School. Church.

Skin. Everywhere.

Living in this world is downright discouraging sometimes as a mom of boys. You don’t have to be on a beach. It seems everywhere you turn you can see either images or real people (yes, even other moms) who decide not to dress modestly, and therefore put our husband’s and sons’ eyes at risk. It catches us off-guard. It seeks to destroy.

I do not think the women who dress this way are out to destroy. Most of the time, they probably don’t realize what they are doing in revealing parts of their body that were meant only for their husbands and God to see. It is a spiritual battle, one that we cannot fully understand, not one of mere flesh and blood.

This discouragement can bring us down quick. Personally, as a woman who lives in a house full of boys, this issue can throw me into a full-blown depressive state if I let it. I begin to feel hopeless. It feels like the battle for our boys’ purity is an uphill one. As if there is not a chance they will avoid falling into a pit of sexual sin in this world. And therefore, their hearts are doomed to become tainted.

And yet…there is Hope! A ray of sunshine that breaks through the clouds. We must find this hope and reflect it in order for our boys to truly be victorious. There are many weapons we can give our sons to help them fight the temptation of lust. There are many resources to help us equip them, some found right here on the MOB society. We must not be naïve. Every single one of our boys will need to fight. Not one will be exempt. It is not only important to equip our boys for this battle, but also to check our own hearts and attitudes.

We cannot foretell who will walk through the door next or who happens to adorn the latest magazine cover in the checkout line. What can we do when faced with this seemingly hopeless situation with our boys? We need to set our eyes on the One who is our hope, and believe that He really can and will walk with our boys into a different future—a reality better than the hopelessness we see in this world.

We cannot control the eyes (or thoughts) of our husbands or sons, but we can pray. Pray that they will avert their eyes and their thoughts will be pure. Pray that the ones who are revealing more of themselves than God intended will be brought to truth, and will find their worth in Christ alone. Pray for protection, right then and there, for all the boys that we love.

Adopting this attitude of hope does not mean our sons will never falter. God promises not to give them more temptation than they can bear, and he always will give them a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13). But if they do fall, God also promises redemption when they turn and choose to walk in the Light (Jeremiah 15:19).

We must choose hope instead of despair for our boys. If their own mother does not hold out hope that they can rise above this culture, then they are doomed to fail. This battle has already been won. Our sons can be victorious in the Lord.

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age–looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus.” Titus 2:11-12

So, next time this world literally “flashes” before your eyes, where will you put your hope?

Emily is a mom of 4 boys ages 5 and under…that pretty much says it all about how she spends her days! She is married to an amazing man who loves the Lord and his family, and recently they have been called to embark upon a journey of homeschooling their boys. She loves coffee, bible study, good books, and just living life alongside other women who don’t have it all together. She is thankful for God’s faithful love & patience with her as she learns how to walk this road of raising little boys to be strong men in Him. Emily blogs at www.raisinupwarriors.blogspot.com.