About Laura Lee Groves

What are the odds that a couple of redheads would meet and marry? It happened to Laura Lee Groves, and that marriage has produced four more redheads – all sons, at that. And all those years of mothering boy…after boy…after boy convinced Laura that boy moms need some help. And encouragement. And inspiration. She bundled that all that into the recently released book, I’m Outnumbered! One Mom’s Lessons in the Lively Art of Raising Boys.

Laura is now an English and drama teacher, but she devoted plenty of time to building forts and bandaging knees at home with her boys. As the boys started leaving the nest, Laura got her Master’s degree in English Literature. She has written for Focus on the Family’s Focus on Your Child and is a contributor to Book Lover’s Devotional and www.KindredHeartWriters.com. She loves to inspire moms by sharing on her blog and through her weekly newsletter as she continues to mother her young adult sons, boy…after boy…after boy.

The Gift of a Lifetime

By on December 16, 2011 in Life Lessons, Raising Older Boys

Want to give your son a gift that keeps on giving? Help him find his niche.

It’s something to consider as you choose gifts this Christmas, something to ponder as you think about the new year. How can you help your son find his bent – his calling – in life?

It starts early.

If you have a young son, remember you’re always nurturing his sense of self. Offhand comments that degrade or insult wound deeply, whether they come from you, Dad, or a sibling. So create an environment of respect.

That doesn’t mean you never criticize or correct; far from it. Boys need boundaries. They need to know you care enough to set guidelines and hold them accountable. In fact, that’s a big part of self-esteem – feeling you’re worth the time and trouble Mom and Dad are expending.

As he grows…

As he gets older and shows interest in music or sports or history, encourage him! Let him take lessons or join a team. Be realistic, though, and ready to help channel those interests. I have a friend whose son absolutely loved sports. It quickly began obvious that playing sports, however, was not his forte. She encouraged his interest in following sports, though, and he’s now pursuing a career as a sports broadcaster.

Give him some power

Loosen those reins a bit, Mom, as he grows. If you want him to desire to become something, you have to let him have some freedom to become. Think he’s not quite ready for a summer job? Help him find one that he can do, maybe a few hours a week. Let him have some responsibility and even let him pay his way once in a while. Once he gets a regular job, he can contribute gas money or pay part of his cell phone bill. Let him earn money to buy gifts for others. You’re encouraging his desire for self-sufficiency. He’ll need that in a few years.

Expectations

Expectations can be your greatest enemy. Look carefully at your expectations for your son; remember they’re your expectations, not necessarily his. Don’t panic if your son is finishing high school and has no idea what his major will be. God can do amazing things! Take a deep breath when your college son calls home and says, “I want to change my major.” Impart whatever wisdom you have, but remember, at some point they have to make their own decisions.

Prayer

Above all, Mom, keep praying. It’s the most you can do. Your son is in the hands of a loving God, so you can sit back and breathe easy! Uphold your son in prayer, encourage him (after all, he’s “fearfully and wonderfully made”), and commit him to the Lord.

Boys are bundles of promise. Handle them with care, being “joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” (Romans 12:12).

3 Comments

The Brother Bond – Teen Years and Beyond

By on November 11, 2011 in a mother's heart, connection with boys, Raising Older Boys

Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me,”
(Gen. 45:4)

I love the story of Joseph and his brothers. Twelve boys, and father Jacob favored Joseph above the others. The boys conspired to sell Joseph to slave traders and faked his death to fool their father. Joseph endured hard labor and imprisonment, but was finally elevated to a position the royal household. When he encounters his brothers once again, they are in need during a famine. God allows Joseph to see that what they meant for evil, God meant for good. Armed with this understanding, Joseph extends a hand to his brothers, just as God did for him, and he is able to draw his brothers close. (The entire story is found in Genesis chapters 37-50.)

What can we learn about the brother bond from this story? No matter where you are on the journey or what has gone on before, God is able to take all and use it for good in the lives of your boys. We won’t always be here to maintain harmony and patch things up between our sons, but we can help them learn how to take that responsibility on themselves. We can enable them to be a band of brothers not easily broken.

Respect – A Natural Starting Place

Fostering mutual respect among the brothers will do a lot toward forging that bond. Sometimes, requiring respect is more like it. After all, we are the parents, and our boys need to know that we value each one of them. I always told my boys I didn’t want anyone to hurt them—especially not one of their brothers.

Remembrance – A Brotherly Link

Boys aren’t always big on celebration, but we can help. Involve them in remembering each other’s birthdays, and help them make it personal. Even if you have to go to the dollar store or give your son a task to work off the cost of a small gift, take him to buy his brother a birthday present.

Support – A Leveling Influence

Chances are, your teen boys will have many of the same experiences, both good and bad. Encourage them to help each other. I’ve said often, “Talk to your brother. He knows exactly how that feels, son.” They did—and they still do today. Even the younger boy can encourage the older son sometimes, so promote that support from both directions.

Brothers of the Heart

Our prayer is that they’ll always be brothers of the heart. Their ties will stretch and even snap at times, but if we help them lay a foundation of love and support for one another, that brother love can uphold and strengthen them as they face young adulthood—and beyond.

1 Comment

The Teen Boy Eye-roll

By on October 11, 2011 in Raising Older Boys

I saw it about four times today while I was shopping—the teenage eyeroll.   I’ve been the recipient of it, too and, surprisingly, it was in the same context I saw it today.

 Mom, holding her phone, asks the son a question.

He responds, pointing quickly at buttons on the phone.

She looks at him, puzzled, and opens her mouth to ask another question.

Then…wait for it—the eyeroll. It happens as he reaches for her cell phone with a sigh that says, “I’ll just do it myself.”

For a while, I just put up with the eyeroll. But it was strange; I felt our roles reverse. My mind went back to the preschool years. I went through all the mental images and stories in my mind, searching for Mom in the midst of an eyeroll.

Nope. Nothing.

So as my son reached for my phone (or laptop or mp3 player), I looked at him and said, “Look, I really appreciate your help. I’m just learning this thing and I do want to learn it. But I don’t appreciate your attitude when I ask for help.”

Another slight eyeroll and shake of the head. “Sorry, Mom,” he said reluctantly.

 “No, wait a minute. You know, when you were learning your ABCs, I don’t recall ever ripping the pencil from your hand, rolling my eyes, and saying, ‘Oh, just let me do it.’ Do you?”

He grinned. A little.

 “If I had, would you ever have learned to write yourself? So let me learn.”

Now he smiled a real smile. “Okay, Mom. I get it.”

Lessons in respect don’t stop when they’re teens. Sometimes we have to reinforce daily, in small ways.

And without eyerolls.

12 Comments

The Teen Years With Your Son: A Delicate Balance

By on September 16, 2011 in Raising Older Boys

I’ve never parented a girl through the teen years, but I can tell you that mothering a boy through them can be a roller coaster.

I did it and survived—four times!

So hang on. Get prayed up and put your patience hat on. And know you’re not alone.

One way to lessen the anxiety is to keep a good communication balance during your son’s teen years.

Know that there are times to talk, times to listen, and times to be glad for the silence—even if it’s sullen silence. Don’t expect him to talk when he’s upset or his pride’s been wounded, or even when he’s just having a bad day.

But be available to listen. You can’t force him to talk; you’ll just make him dig his heels in deeper. Be patient, loving, and don’t give up. Fix him some food. Sit at the table with him and wait for him to talk. (Food works for my boys. Alone, with me and food, they spill their guts.)

Don’t talk him to death. Put your two cents in and stop. End with some love or encouragement, even if he doesn’t seem in the mood to hear that. Chances are, he’s just waiting for someone to affirm him, even when he’s at his worst. Think about it—the people who love us when we’re unlovely, really love us. So, show him that.

Communicate your love for him through your actions. Even if his arms are crossed and his face is set in a scowl, give him a quick hug. Bake his favorite cookies and send a little love his way.

Make sure home is a haven—a safe place. Demand respect for one another in the family, brother to brother and across the board. Our teen sons have enough to deal with out there in the world; home should be a place where they know they’re loved and safe and graced. No matter what happens out there, here at home, we’re for you.

Some days will be a breeze and a joy; other days, you’ll feel like you’re walking a tightrope with no net. Again, know you’re not alone. Find community, someone to talk to who has been there or is walking the same road. Turn to your Heavenly Father, for He holds all the power—to help your son, to calm your heart.

10 Comments
« Older Posts