the power of words

By on May 10, 2011 in connection with boys, growing godly men, homeschool, reflection, Uncategorized

My crew tumbled into the house one evening, fresh from martial arts class.  My boy stood in front of me as his father told me about our son’s testing for a new belt.  Waves of excitement were rolling off my son.  The story was told, my son’s great feats had been re-counted…but something more was needed.

My boy was waiting for something more.

“Wow, son- you did great!  A yellow belt!”

I then added these words to the end, almost an afterthought- a punctuation…

“I am so proud of you!”

My son visibly stood taller, and his chest swelled a bit.    I noticed this with a bit of surprise, and marked the moment in my being- to always remember the power of my words.

The Bible says that

“Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” -Proverbs 16:24

Is something a bit off with your day?  Is your household simmering with dismay or discontent?  As Mothers, we have so much power over the mood of our home.  Mom sets the tone of the day, we are the invisible heart-beat of the home.  Our mood can turn the character of the household and just as importantly, our words can build up or tear down our children.

“Every wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.” -Proverbs 14:1

In the midst of our very busy lives, may we not forget the power of our words- to help build up a good conscience, or to wound a sensitive heart.

My little encounter with praise for a hard won award was a very sharp reminder to me of how powerful my words are, how hungry our boys are to hear praise for a job well done -admiration for a hard battle fought.  Beware of empty praise- like empty calories they will not satisfy long,  your boy will soon see through them…

help your boy find ways to shine, help him find battles- both physical and of conscience- to conquer, and bestow the praise that will build him up.

Every boy needs to be a hero, you mom, are the damsel he wants to impress.

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sweep the corners

By on April 13, 2011 in parables

Flour, milk, sugar, yeast.  Measure them out, son.

Exactness, fineness, sugar to sweeten.

Careful with the yeast- don’t drop it,

measure it…

carefully – thoughtfully.

“The kingdom of heaven is like leaven, which a woman took and hid in three measures of meal till it was all leavened” -Matthew 13:33

Jesus was once a boy just like you.  In his home, they celebrated passover and the feast of the unleavened bread.  The leaven, or yeast- is a picture of sin-all that misses the mark of a Holy God.  A little bit of sin will spread, just like a little pinch of our yeast will spread through the dough we are making- it will spread and make a change in the dough.  Watch it son, as it bubbles, spreads, and the dough swells.  Just like a little bit of sin will seep through and change us and spread to all around.

Jesus was once a boy just like you.  In his house, leaven -yeast, was a picture of sin.  The people of his time, his earthly family, would celebrate the feast of the unleavened bread…and they would clean their houses, top to bottom- getting rid of all the leaven in the house.

Every last bit, son.  Take a light, look high, look low.  Under the bed, on the floor, up high on the shelf.  They would sweep it all out, not even a tiny bit could remain.

Let’s get ready to remember that our Christ is risen.  He paid the ultimate price for our sin.  Son, ask Jesus to help us sweep up all the leaven- the sin, from our hearts.  Every last bit, son.

Take a light, look high, look low.  Under the bed, on the floor, among our thoughts, before our eyes, in the things we laugh at, the things we listen to, the things we read.  High up on a shelf, sweep it all out, not even a tiny bit can remain.

We are mixing flour, sugar, milk- baking something good.  Stir in the yeast son, look at it and remember to throw out all the leaven in our hearts.

Let us remember that our Christ is risen.  Let’s ask Jesus to sweep all the corners of our hearts and make it a fit place for the King.

 

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everyday is an adventure

By on March 10, 2011 in a mother's heart, adventure, connection with boys, growing godly men, homeschool, reflection

From the moment I first held my son, it was all new, it was all different and it was all foreign territory for me.  Our son was baby #3 in our family.  I am, of course, a girl and I first mothered girls.  My point of reference, my memories, my emotions- are all girl.  Mothering a boy was an exciting thought, but it scared me a bit, too.

I held my son and was instantly smitten.  He was different from the start.  I watched a show once about boys and girls, I remember the point being made that if you dressed a baby in different clothes, you would not be able to tell which gender.  True, maybe if you do not have a baby, or it’s been years since you’ve held one; but my boy was instantly different.  I could see the difference in his hands, his forearms, his little sweet baby-boy head.  He was special, our bond was special, and I knew I was set on a road of new things.

My girls attended a co-op preschool group.  It was very orderly, very proper…and the boys were always in trouble.  This did not overly trouble me at the time, my girls managed to sit still.  But one day I realized- that no, this would not do.

I remember a trip to the grocery store, my girls obediently holding the cart as expected: my boy, vibrating in his seat/touching everything/making noise non-stop/talking non-stop.

I had an epiphany in the grocery store:

my boy was not disobedient, he was all boy, he was made of different temperament-a different mind, than my girls and I.

I had an epiphany that day, and chose to embrace the adventure instead of struggle against it.

This I know: Lessons bore him if too long, writing is torture.  Games with an edge of danger are better, mud, dirt and bugs are glorious, and anything can be a weapon.  Spiders and bugs are not bad, but are a mystery to be explore.  Injustice hurts mightily, boy tears are big, fat, hot and wet.  Boy arms around my neck are alarmingly strong, but missed when not applied as often.  Boy work is messy and smelly, but a freshly scrubbed boy in clean p.j.s is a gift from above.  He thinks I am beautiful and important, but often doesn’t hear my directions. His feelings are easily hurt, but he can infuriate me in 2 seconds.  Boy jokes are silly and I don’t get them.  Hockey must be the smelliest sport ever.

I defer to my husband’s knowledge of all things boy.  But frankly, being home with my boy all day leaves me on the front-line of interesting situations: situations where I have to think on my feet, quickly- without the luxury of consulting his dad for the logic or attitude I should pursue.  Instead of over-thinking it during the day (of which I admit I do a lot of at day’s end when I should be sleeping…) I find myself  turning to this verse to guide my reactions, instructions and admonishments:

“But He has shown thee, oh man, what is good and what the Lord requires of thee:  But to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God.”Micah 6:8

This verse guides my instruction to my son.  I don’t like the book he has picked up, or he is giggling over a not-so-nice word with a friend.  I ask him, “does this fit ‘what is good’?” He is fighting with little sister and leaving her out, I ask him, “Is this mercy?” He is shirking his chores, “are you doing what is required of you?”.

My parenting path is strewn with unknowns, but thankfully I have a sure and tried guide to keep me steady and unwavering through this adventure of mothering my boy.  I wouldn’t miss it for anything, I am so grateful I was blessed with the adventure of all things boy.

 

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with lovingkindness

By on February 9, 2011 in a mother's heart, connection with boys, growing godly men, homeschool, The Word

My boy loves to be out and about.  He loves to feel special.  He likes to have fun. My youngest kids are a bit impulsive at times, a bit squirrely most of the time; and then let’s add in a dash of not hearing me.  Five kids, a tired homeschool mom plus a list of things un-done at home; this all equals out to a mom who would rather stay home.  It’s easier.

It’s easier on me to stay cozy at home, but it is good for my boys to get out, explore, meet new people and interact.  My struggle with trips out-and-about amplifies my wrangling with mom-guilt, which is why I venture out, even when I’d rather stay home or better yet-go out alone.

My struggle between what they need to grow, and what I need to stay centered, vs. how un-perfect they sometimes behave, and how much they need to be corrected-made me think about mercy. Mercy that is extended towards us, and not because we’ve earned it, but because of love.

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

It is because of love that I take my little ones on trips out in the world (to do fun stuff), when it would be much easier on me to stay home. I extend grace toward them because of love.

“But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,” Ephesians 2:4-8

We are in need of God’s mercy because of our pitiful situation, our dead situation. God is so rich in mercy to make us alive out of our deadened- by- sin state, to be alive together with Christ. He shows the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness towards us. His grace is a free thing, a gift we do not deserve. This grace we are unable to resist.

“I have loved you with an eternal love, therefore, with loving kindness have I drawn thee.” Jer 31:3

I love my boy because he is mine, because the Lord gave him to me. I have grace and mercy towards him, not because he is such a good little boy that he deserves it, but because my love is a free thing. I take him on fun trips to Barnes & Nobles bookstore, the park, the library and the beach not because I believe he will behave perfectly, not because he has behaved perfectly this week to earn it,but because my love is unconditional.

Let’s amplify the love passage a bit, shall we?

[Mom] suffers long and is kind;…[mom]… does not behave rudely,..[mom] is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; [mom] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

1 Cor. 13

I hope my children see love, and that this love will draw them to the One that is love made real.

” …therefore, with loving kindness have I drawn thee…”

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