Be Still

By on July 23, 2010 in Uncategorized
Aiden's Cross by Sterling Grace Jewelry

"Aiden's Cross" by: Sterling Grace Jewelry

There are few things we know for certain. We aren’t privy to the answers to all of life’s mysteries. It’s a leap of faith. Maybe even more so when you are raising a child with special needs.

It was probably about the time that we tried to conceive that my husband and I realized how little control we actually had in our lives. We had fooled ourselves, organized our life, made our plans. We were ready.

We were married 3 years, bought a nice home, I’d just graduated from nursing school. We were ready to have a child. We planned it out, got all our ducks in a row and fully expected to be expecting in a month, maybe two. The months passed and with them my anxiety grew. What was wrong? Why wasn’t I pregnant? What happened to our master plan?

That’s just it. Our master plan and our Master’s plan weren’t the same. We had no control over this, no choice really…except surrender. Giving our worries, hopes and dreams to Him and letting His plan unfold. Although it seemed that it took forever, eventually we would conceive. I’d give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy.  He was our world.

We were back on schedule, our plan was finally unraveling the way it should…

In a moment everything changed. Just a moment. Normal one day, our world completely upside down the next. Our little Toot, our precious son was ill. Not  just sick; critically ill. He was hooked up to machines: a ventilator, IV pumps, a dialysis machine. Again, we had no choice but to check back to the Master for His plan. What was this? Why?

A diagnosis. Rare, incurable, transplant, dialysis. Our hearts were broken, shattered, depleted.Why? This isn’t part of our plan.

Our little miracle is now almost three years old. He’s beautiful, loving, energetic and smart. He is our world. He’s still sick. Dialysis, medicines, injections, no cure. Not much has changed. Except this: We have learned to accept the Master’s Plan. We don’t know the answers to the why’s…but we know the One who has the answers. That is enough.

We finally figured out our role in the plan. It’s simple. Just be still and know…

Be still, and know that I am God… Psalm 46:10

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Some Things I Know

By on June 17, 2010 in a mother's heart

I remember when I FINALLY became pregnant. The hubs and I had been trying for so long, or so it seemed, and we were ecstatic. I always knew that he was a boy. I just knew. Others tried to convince me otherwise but I was sure from the start that I was meant to be a part of something great.

Three years ago there was no name for it. Today there is. I am both excited and blessed to be a member of the MOB Society. I am honored to be a mother, but especially the mother of a boy. I give thanks to Him for blessing me with an awesome husband and an awesome son. I’ll admit, I don’t always know all the answers,but there are some things I know…

As mothers, we are all blessed with awesome opportunities and responsibilities. Although, I sometimes glance briefly longingly at pink bows and ruffles, I know. I know that I was meant to be the mother to a boy, this boy. And a wife to this man. I was born to be David’s wife and Aiden’s Mama. There is no doubt, I know.

I was born to carefully oversee a daily regimen of dialysis, injections and medications. I was born to carry the immense heartaches and immeasurable joys that come with being a mom, a mom of a boy and a special needs mom. I know it. It’s no accident, no random luck of the draw.

So while I pray for a cure, a kidney transplant and sustained health, I also pray for the wisdom to instill values, faith, hope and love. I am blessed to be a mother. I am doubly blessed to be the mother of a boy–and a  member of this awesome group–a member of the MOB Society.

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