My husband would tell you I come from an emotional family. My family (men included) cries at commercials, movies and meaningful happenings in our lives. After seventeen years of being married, I’d say we balance each other pretty well. I still cry when the news shows kids running to their fathers returning from active duty. I held my child in the backyard the other day and cried at the mercy and kindness of the Lord that our kids teach me on a regular basis.
A year ago the Lord hit a huge pause button in my life and what I thought was a life of limited emotion was actually overflowing with undealt-with emotions from both my kids and me. I had reached a point where I yelled, got frustrated, and lost my temper over things that did not merit that kind of emotional outburst. It hadn’t happened overnight and the stress that had coiled around my heart and head would not unhinge quickly either.
As my heart and head unwound and I realized that fear -the one emotion that had driven me beyond distraction – was rippling out from me and being replicated in my kids. I feared that my kids would fail…that my son had ADHD…that I was a terrible mother…that I wasn’t engaged as a mom…couldn’t keep the laundry up…the floors, the meals…the list went on.
Emotions Must Be Dealt With
Emotions must be dealt with. As my mom says, emotions are like trash: When they are not dealt with, but stuffed in a closet somewhere instead, they begin to rot. And like trash, it stinks and begins to leak, and no matter how much you try to keep the door closed to avoid the smell or leaks from seeping out, it just gets worse over time. You begin spending all your time and energy keeping the door of that closet closed and the stink at bay, until you collapse in exhaustion, unable to control it any longer.
What seemed like punishment from God, when He hit the pause button, actually allowed me to open the closet, take out the trash, and deep clean the closet for (healthy) future use.
His Word Heals
Over time, I began reading the Word more. I read it in a different translation, which gave me new perspective, and read His words to me more consistently that I had been in recent months. I spent more time praying. C.S. Lewis says “Prayer doesn’t change God, it changes me.” I would agree wholeheartedly. I prayed and spent time in His word like it was the oxygen. I wish I could tell you that I faithfully had been reading all along, but when fear begins to wrap its way around you, there is a loss of perspective.
Giving back all those emotions to the One who created them, asking for Him to take over and help you manage them, THAT is freedom, my friend. If you struggle with anger or frustration with your boys, check out our No More Angry MOB (private) group. It will encourage you and hold you accountable.
You Are Not Alone
Know you are not alone. We all have emotions that need to be dealt with. I am praying right now that He will provide the perfect friend to help you “take out the trash” and walk alongside you as you heal.
Lord, bless and protection these sweet women who ache to control their emotions, the emotions of their kids, and maybe more. We give you our emotions and ask that they be used for my good and Your glory. Thank you for the host of amazing, Godly women that contribute to the MOB Society and that You surround us with, to affirm in each of us that we are not alone. Amen.