Welcome to Guest Post month at The MOB Society! Today’s post comes from Jessica Dassow, homeschooling mother of five sons. She chronicles the daily joys of life at JJ’s Boy Land. Please welcome her!
I look into the beautiful, espresso-colored eyes that are searching mine; she is desperate to hear the words. Tears glint, and she needs to know that she is enough. She is stretched. She is scared. She is tired. She wonders if someone else would do a better job.
“You are the best mother and teacher and caregiver for your children,” I tell her. I speak it with pure confidence and conviction, because I believe it with everything that I am. “…because God says so. God gave them to you and your husband to raise. He doesn’t make mistakes.”
It was easy for me to tell my friend this. I believe it. I believe it for her and I believe it for me. Sometimes it’s easier to see than other times, but truth is truth regardless of how we feel on any given day or in any given moment.
There are times when things are sailing smoothly. I get up, shower, and enjoy my quiet time. The children are cheerful and dutifully complete their morning chores. They find a spot at the little kitchen table we call school, and they harmoniously work side-by-side with pencils and crayons and paints. There is bread, warm out of the oven, cooling on the counter for our lunch. Soft music plays in the background and the sun streaks through the windows. I breathe in….and I exhale thanks.
I know I am right where I am meant to be, doing exactly what I was called to do. I am the mother of this family, and it feels in-control and good and right. There’s only one problem. Days like this are rare.
Believing the truth, regardless of circumstances, is a choice. I choose to believe the truth that I’m the best mother for my sons, even on days like today. My toddler screams incessantly, while wearing no pants because we’re potty-training. I have cleaned up mess after mess and he’s not getting it. The clock says twelve minutes after noon, we’ve gotten very little school-ish work done, and lunch? I’ve not even begun.
A couple of the boys are bickering. Meanwhile, everyone wants a snack and rummages through cupboards while creating more knicks in the table. There are piles and messes everywhere, no sense of order, and I feel this gnawing, pressing, unrelenting pressure to get “it” together and get “it” accomplished, and yet my mind is swirling and frothing like class 4 river rapids and it occurs to me, I don’t even know what “it” is. What am I supposed to be accomplishing? There’s so much noise I can’t even think about it!
And so I cry.
I go to my only sanctuary, the bathroom, which has towels strewn about and a puddle on the floor, and I cry out to God all my frustrations. Then I utter the real question: “What were you thinking when you thought I could do this?!”
He sees that He has my attention. He’s not threatened by my question, even though I feel like it’s wrong for me to be asking. It’s then that I hear that still, soft voice, “I was thinking….that you need Me.”
He’s so right. I do need Him. I need Him every moment of every day of every week that I draw breath of this blessed, beautiful, and oh-so-messy life. And so, my voice still shaking with sobs, I sing it.
“….my one defense…my righteousness….Oh God how I need you…”
The longer I sing, the steadier my voice becomes. My mind begins to clear. What “it” is that I’m supposed to be doing comes into focus. I’m supposed to be raising these sons for God’s glory, with His help. He’s put me in an impossible position, so that I need Him. With this in view, I have a direction to follow for the rest of the day. Priorities have shifted. I can do “it” whether things are chaotic or not, and on this particular day, things are chaotic. I may still be neck-deep in a mess, but it’s ok, because He’s here, and He says I’m the woman for the job.
We need each other, Mothers of Boys. We need to remind each other that we are each the best woman for the impossible tasks God has given us. This is truth. Even more importantly, it is truth that we cannot do it on our own. We need Him….oh how we need Him. When the sailing is smooth or even on a difficult day, there is grace-filled truth to be believed and beauty to behold.
We just need to face the right direction.
An Alaskan, Jessica Dassow is wife to Tony and homeschooling mother of five wonderful and loud sons. She seeks to follow Jesus and is thankful for all the grace he gives. You can share in their adventures and Jessica’s thoughts on life at www.jjsboyland.blogspot.com