The kids were fighting, AGAIN!
It was Christmas and raining and being all cooped up was leading to a lot of frustration and unkind words flying back and forth between my daughter and my son.
I was in a relative’s home, trying to keep my cool and hoping to keep my kids from flying off the figurative deep end. The culprit were cupcakes, and who was going to get to frost and decorate them.
This particular incident went well…a compromise was reached, apologies were made, laughter was echoing, and the cupcakes were transformed into works of art few minutes later.
The challenge??? This all happened under the eyes of watchful family.
I don’t know about you, but nothing else gets my heart racing like trying to discipline my children in front of family members. To be honest, I have not always handled discipline well (who hasn’t?!), nor have I always appreciated input into my parenting style and decisions. What I’ve slowly learned over the years is that it really DOES take a village to raise a child.
And just like a village full of people from all walks of faith and life and backgrounds, there is an abundance of family member’s opinions and traditions on why and when and exactly how you should do or not do discipline.
Here’s what I’ve learned over the years when it comes to dealing with this often sensitive issue…
Most of the time, family truly means well
I’ve learned to view opinions at face value, and not inject them with my own feelings of real or perceived failure. In other words, when a family says they are just trying to help by giving advice, I trust that they are “for” me…that they want me to be the best parent I can be. I trust their motives, and give them grace when their words may not reflect that strongly enough. My family is often my biggest cheerleader, and I am confident that while I may not always do things just like they would, they truly want me to succeed and support my parenting in my own uniquely gifted way.
My reaction is often based on my feelings, not on truth
Nine times out of ten, any frustration, hurt, or anger I might experience at a suggestion is based on my own perception of what kind of mother I am. In especially difficult decisions or situations, my feelings of “messing up my kids for life” can often skyrocket my insecurity and break open the flood of self-condemnation. If I focus on that “feeling,” instead of the “reality” of what was actually said as advice, I can quickly lose the valuable input being given based on their experiences in what does or does not work. Above all, I always filter any advice given through the Truth of scripture. Is what I am saying, doing, and teaching my children through that discipline or decision consistent with the Word of God?
Their faith and beliefs might not match my own, and that’s ok
I have a melting pot of a family with a wide variety of backgrounds and faith beliefs. In addition, some family members are more “present” in the day to day lives of my children more than others due to distance. Some have had and raised children, others have not. Some believe in God, some do not. In the end, each and every one of my family members brings their own set of “skills” to the table, and I love the big jumble of ideas from which to draw from. I also love that I can add ideas from a faith in God perspective that show teaching respect, kindness, self-control, service, and loving others unconditionally as a foundation in our home.
I remember to say “Thank You!”
This is honestly the biggest lesson I’ve learned. When it comes to showing family members you value and care for them, saying “Thank You!” is imperative. Thank you for babysitting, caring for my child, loving me enough to give me advice and point out a different way I might not have thought of. Expressing my gratitde for the caring behind the statement, even if I choose not to use the information offered, makes the world of difference.
I know that some of you might have challenging relationships with family members in this area, and I hope that what I’ve outlined above can give you the space and perspective you need to focus on what is really important in that matter…
Giving grace ~ even when it seems undeserved
Finding value ~ everyone has beauty to offer
Loving unconditionally ~ your family is in your life for a reason
You knew I had to go there…I mean, I am a boy mom, after all!
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. And if you are interested, there are girl versions of all of these, too! (Note: My boys aren’t quite old enough for this set yet, but I can’t wait to read them to my boys! My set is waiting on our shelf! Recommend for Age 9 and up)
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