Gustavus Adolphus Magnus of Sweden, the Lion of the North, Defender of the Reformation
I was really puzzled when I read in a very old book a character saying that the king “kindly condescended” to spend time discussing the battle with him. Huh? I had always thought of condecension as something bad — as that attitude someone has when they think they are better than you are.
We don’t like that in America.
“He’s no better than I am!”
“Any boy can grow up to be President!”
We like to think that everyone is just the same with the same basic equipment and the same opportunities before them.
Is that really true, though? I can’t sing on key reliably. Can I become a famous opera singer? Uh, no. We don’t have a lot of excess money. Can I make a book a bestseller by a huge media buy like some I know? No, just not possible.
Is that unfair? Again, no. Thankfully, the Lord made us all different, with different skills and opportunities, with different missions in life.
Our boys need to understand this from the beginning. Math is hard for you and easy for your brother? That’s great. Glad someone finds it easy. That’s difficult for boys. They tend to be really competitive and want to constantly try their skills, but when they consistently lose, it’s awfully easy to give up.
On the other hand, when they are stronger or better than others, they want to boast and parade about it. Here’s where the noblesse oblige comes in.
Noblesse oblige means “nobility obliges.” It has the sense that those who are noble must behave as nobles and further, “To whom much is given, much is required.”
That means that when our boys are particularly good at something, there is an obligation to help those who aren’t. Is he quite strong for his age? That strength should be used to do hard jobs for the weak, to protect those around him, to be a blessing. It should never be used to lord it over those that haven’t been blessed with the same strength or skill or talent.
I love the Homeschool Football League. I love that the boys strive as hard as possible against each other, then help the other guy off the ground as soon as the play is over.
In the same way, we need to teach our boys not to use their strength and age to Lord it over their younger brothers. This is where the condescension, in the old sense, comes in. Condescend didn’t used to mean to act in a superior way, but indeed the opposite, to lay aside the privileges of rank.
We try, not always successfully, to teach our guys to behave not as an equal necessarily, always competing with their younger brothers, but to genially respond to them as an older brother, even as a father. Instead of “Ha! I can’t even feel it when you hit me. How does this feel?” Why not, “Wow. You’re getting stronger all the time. You’d better not go around hitting people. You could hurt someone,” said with a confident smile and a thump on the back. That little brother won’t be hitting him harder and harder to try to actually hurt him this time, he’ll become his adoring slave. How much more influence will he have over him then?
It’s hard to teach boys noblesse oblige and the proper kind of condescension, but it’s worth it. It’s a way of imitating our Lord:
Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. Philippians 2:5-8
As the hymn, “Come Christians Join to Sing” puts it:
Come, lift your hearts on high,
Alleluia! Amen!
Let praises fill the sky;
Alleluia! Amen!
He is our Guide and Friend;
To us He’ll condescend;
His love shall never end.
Alleluia! Amen!
May our sons always be guides and friends to their younger, or weaker, or less-gifted brothers.
Hal & Melanie Young
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Very good post! Thanks! It’s hard to teach these boys to say things in a positive light instead of always in a competitive one.