{Today’s guest post is from the youngest son of Sally and Clay Clarkson. I cried as I read his words below, because I have one of these boys at home. He’s four. And he leaves me breathless sometimes wondering what in the world to do with him. Please don’t miss Nathan Clarkson’s wisdom and give him a big MOB Society welcome as the newest member of our writing team!}
I am different, sometimes crazy, I am more volatile than most, I am a little louder at some points and much quieter than anyone at other times, I feel things strongly, I don’t idle well, I dance and sing VERY loudly.
Sometimes people would tell my parents, it was because of these letters:
OCD-I do crazy things for no apparent reason, and become VERY frustrated when the things I deem important are out of whack.
ADHD- I never, I mean NEVER sit still, I am always moving, tapping, squirming, fidgeting.
ADD- In the middle of talking to you, I will every now and again, zone out and my eyes will drift to the corner of the room, and my mind will temporally change channels.
ODD- I will fight about things I don’t even care about and sometimes I will talk back and if I feel strongly, I will NEVER give up my opinion.
and oddly enough, Synesthesia- I hear colors, see music and was very surprised than not everyone did this.
This sounds like a lot of letters that mean one thing: I’m a boy.
But I now know, it is just the way God made me.
From a very young age, my family, and especially my mom, knew that this boy (me) was different. I was the third child of four, the youngest boy, and the son of popular christian writers. I had a lot to live up to and people were always watching me and had opinions about how “I should be handled.”
So…I was a fighter, but also a lover, but also a fighter.
While most kids would eventually learn to sit still, I simply could not. It is actually a skill that to this day I have not mastered, even as I write this my legs are swaying back and forth beneath my desk and my head is bobbing to the music in my head. As a boy I seemed to always push the limits, I found more pleasure in climbing rocks and rolling in grass then walking on sidewalks. I couldn’t (and still can’t) do much math, but, I could keep a perfect beat to any song. If you asked me to spell (please don’t) “Chrysanthemum” I would instead, draw you a picture of it, complete with story line about how it got there and the hero that had to rescue it from dying!
I was passionate, creative, but I soon became painfully aware that I wasn’t normal. As I grew a little older I remember being yelled at by multiple teachers, in church or a coop class for “Talking to much” and “Resisting to learn.”. I can even now so viscerally feel the deep frustration at my lack of ability to understand schoolwork that seemed so easy to everyone else. I can still feel the sting of hearing one more “SHHHH Nathan, settle down.”
I began trying diligently to fit into a box, just to avoid more frustration and criticism. What I didn’t understand at the time is that God had purposefully made me out of the box. He had made me to be creative and fun, to love people and to perform. He had actually created me to tap my fingers and sing loudly. He had made me to know Him in a completely different way-but just the way He wanted. Another famous out of the box guy once said.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm: 139-14
What? I’m was fearfully and wonderfully made? It was when I realized this truth that I started the journey to understanding I was exactly how God made me! That it was not just a mistake that had to be changed, and molded to fit the standard child. I wasn’t just some accident, but rather, I was designed this way!
The thing is, we are all going to feel different, like we don’t fit into the boxes of our friends, family, church, schools, pop culture, or the boxes others try to put us in. But that’s because, to be honest, God hasn’t called us to live in any parameters that anyone else has designed. But rather, He wants us to love and embrace the beautiful design He wanted us to fulfill.
My family, my Mom and my Dad figured this out little by little, and ever since, have supported me and cultivated and encouraged me in the areas where I delight and excel. They also helped me, lovingly and patiently, with the ones where I struggle, so that I could be the man God had in mind. It was a mysterious process and journey that we walked together by faith, because I know my parents believed I was God’s gift.
So I implore you, if you have a Me, a Nathan, keep reminding yourself and your Nathan, that God has made him just the way He intended, with a specific plan in mind. Remind him that all of the “loud” is not to be quieted, but rather, it is to be used to shout the things God has for us to say.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
Ephesian 2:10
The story below is a picture of how God longs to meet with the out of the box, crazy, loud, boisterous me, and when I was 19, He spoke to me clearly and I finally realized what He wanted me to do.
I was faced with a decision when I was 19. Let me explain. I had moved out and was living in the Big City (New York) on my own. I remember it was a cold and rainy night, my family had left to go back to Colorado. There I was, little old (well actually very, very young) me. I had no idea what I was doing and I was all alone. But there, on my first night out on my own, as I was sitting on my Ikea bed in my small apartment bedroom in Harlem (Yes… I know the family wasn’t thrilled, but I was poor), I heard a voice. It was God, He said “Chase me!” and suddenly He ran out the door and into the pouring rain. I yelled after him that I was cold and alone and was kinda tired, but He just kept running.
So there I was, faced with a bigger decision than I could ever imagine, the choice was clear: Chase after God, or do what I felt like. Well I chased God, I chased him right into the pouring rain-where I danced and sang with the Creator of the universe. I chased him through the next year of ups and downs, friends and heart-break, hurts and joys. I chased him right out to Hollywood, California, where today I’m finally able to look back at all the chasing of God and say with complete honesty… It has made all the difference.
I wrote a book about all that God taught me.These are a collection of thoughts and the glimpses of God’s wisdom I had to chase down, and all compiled into my very first book. I would love for you to become a Wisdom Chaser too. Click to get your very own copy and you will read the story of how God has worked in amazing ways, and how He has taught me the wisdom of living for Him. Thank you so much.
I would love for you to buy and read more of my first book called Wisdom Chasers and give it to a young man, who you hope will become a wisdom chaser. And, maybe, it will be an encouragement to you, to hold fast to Him, to chase Him wherever He leads, and to find all you were hoping for in life in the chasing of Him.
Whether you are a Nathan or have one, be encouraged.http://www.WisdomChasers.com
Off to climb on rocks, roll in grass, sing loudly and chase God.
-Nathan J Clarkson
Get Wisdom Chasers PDF
Get Wisdom Chasers Kindle
Become a Wisdom Chaser and read Nathan’s online journal
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Don’t forget to mark your calendars for Saturdays in November as The MOB Society joins the MOD Squad for an exclusive series, Hope for the Weary Mom!
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Nathan, thank you so much for writing this. Though my son does not have quite as many letters to him as you did, he does have severe ADHD. I have always known he was unique, always seen how cool his brain works and how smart he is and have always tried to make him feel that he is special and cool just the way God made him, but there are days when I know he struggles with being different and I know he worries and this post helped me think of some more ways I can help him. Thank you again for posting this!
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Thank you Nathan! I have one son that ADHD, he can’t take any meds but even if he could we wouldn’t medicate him. I am coming to terms with the way God made him. Thank you again.
Thank you so much for writing this post! Our son is one of “those” boys. He definitely experiences extremes, and it has taken us all of his little life to realize that he is never going to sit still or focus for more than 5 minutes on something. He will always be full of life and LOTS of energy.
Thank you for reminding us that God gave us all boys with spunk because the Lord knew it was in our best interest, and to just help our boys see Gods plan for them.
My oldest is the one with all of the letters, I think. He can’t stop himself from climbing, talking in a silly voice, laughing at inappropriate moments, and the list goes on.
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This is a wonderful article and I am very thankful every day for my son and all the wonderful things that he does. My struggle is that it doesn’t seem to matter how much *I* embrace my child and his gifts, society in general doesn’t tolerate ‘those’ boys. I watched my incredibly bright child STRUGGLE at school and bring home some pretty atrocious grades at times, not because he didn’t know the material, but because he didn’t complete the work (his mind/body was busy doing other things). I’ve also watched him struggle socially and both of these struggles affect his self-confidence, regardless of how much I love and support him.
Hi Nathan,
I did struggle with it at first thinking why isn’t my son like other boys, but I guess, I am very much at peace now. I know and believe God has a plan for him.
Thank you so much for the encouragement. A much needed one in a time where everyone wants to give you advice (though they meant well), no one could really understand what’s it like having a son who’s SPECIAL
I am still trying to find what his diagnose is. Last time, they said he has Dyslexia, some say some other letters.. but I am not giving up at all. I love my son and will do the best I can to encourage him to his full potential. *hugs*
God bless you Nathan. Thank you again.
Nathan :
I too have a Nathan so much like you described! It is a joy to be his mother and a struggle with my own humanity when I have trouble allowing him to be exactly who he is. Thank you for your encouragement. Keep chasing God HE alone is worthy!
Beautiful story!! Thank you for sharing!
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Wonderful honesty & perspective, Nathan – thank you! My 9-year old, middle child has sensory processing disorder (hate that last word) … he’s proprioceptive, so he’s a sensory seeker & he gets great joy in getting sensory feedback through loudness, boldness, jumping, climbing, spinning, bumping into things, standing up to eat & never. sitting. still. He is the child everyone describes as “never having an off switch,” teachers tell to settle down & we try to reign in when we’re out. I saw him in a new light when I read your post and I can’t thank you enough for that. I will share this with as many people as I can. I just bought Wisdom Chasers and am looking forward to reading that. Bless you as you continue to use your mighty gifts for Him. ~ Mela
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Thank you all so much for the kind words, and thank you to Brooke and the Mob Society for taking me on. I’m so exited to be apart of such a Godly and influential team!
Dear Nathan,
I’m encouraged by your words, and I want to encourage you as well. My oldest son, now almost 31 was diagnosed ADD/ADHD when he was in elementary school. At that point people didn’t know just what to do with children like my son. They wanted to medicate him, which I wouldn’t do.
Since he’s become an adult, I’ve realized he’s probably got another set of letters he should have been diagnosed with..ODD. He will argue about anything and everything and at times I look into his eyes and realize he doesn’t even believe what he’s arguing about.
But, he’s done well. We didn’t give him medication, but we did control his diet…no sugars, no artificial sweeteners, no food coloring, etc. He continues to avoid these foods to this day and it helps.
He took some classes at a learning center which taught him his style of learning, so even in a classroom setting he was able to have a limited degree of success when he was in a class with teachers who were willing to let him go at his own pace, which was usually faster than most of the grade.
When he entered middle school, we hit a snag, but I was able to home school him past that hurdle. High school was pretty much beyond his ability, simply because we were in a school district that insisted he be a cog in their little system. We got through that by pulling him out in 10th grade and getting his GED and sending him straight to college.
Imagine that. College at 17 for a boy who was flunking 10th grade for the second time. But I knew the secret that the school system did not. My son is obnoxiously, irritatingly brilliant – but he has difficulty sitting and listening to things he already understands. The teachers thought they were teaching him…but in reality, he already understood what they were trying to teach him and was bored beyond belief.
So…he went to college. It took a little bit of adjustment on his part, but he took the classes that interested him, and graduated cum laud. He then went on to get his Masters and then took 3 years off to travel overseas and teach.
He’s back in the US now and studying for his 2nd Masters degree. He still has a hard time concentrating, but has learned methods to get himself to be able to do the work necessary, controls his intake of artificial things, and does well in his studies.
He still isn’t the best at interpersonal relationships…still argues over nothing, and is still kind of obnoxious at times, but he has loyal friends who love him no matter what and understand that not everyone is the same.
Good luck in your future.
Be blessed and continue to encourage others with your life. I wish I’d have heard your story when my son was young. It would have helped me understand him a little better.
Danya
Thank you so much Nathan,
You have blessed my heart today. I have 2 of you at home, and I needed the reminder that God has created them to be who they are for His plans! I can see my youngest chasing God much like you did. I will definaly get your book!
Nathan, Thanks so much for this post! I have two of “those” boys. It is an area of growth for me to keep in the forefront of my mind that I must encourage them and bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the LORD, not in the opinions of others however “well meaning” they may be.
Chase after God hard Nathan, you are an amazing young man created by God for good works that you may walk in them!
Thank you so much for writing this post. My older son is much as you have described. I am glad you reminded to accept my boys just the way God made them. It is hard sometimes but I am encouraged to keep trying. I pray that God will change me, give me patience and help me to enjoy my boys the way God made them!
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Thanks so much for writing this amazing post! I believe that those kids are actually the new generation of the intelligence! Thanks!
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Nathan, Like all of your other readers, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Tonight my husband and I had one of those “what are we going to do with him?” talks. We have 4 boys…all amazing. Our second oldest is 5, has a very rare cranialfacial condition in addition to a severe hearing loss. HOWEVER, he is SUPER SMART and can hear well now that he has implants. Our hearts ache because he has been through so much in his young life. He’s had many major surgeries, looks “different” than others, sounds different, and has an amazing personality. BUT, he is extreme in every sense of the word, willful, and feels deeply about most everything.
He is just now beginning to understand how others view him…barely. Now that he’s five, he hears and understands people rude comments to and about him. And when he behaves badly, which is often, it’s compounded. I know he feels “different”. He says he can’t help it that he makes so many bad choices. It’s what he hears me telling him all the time, sadly.
I am also his biggest fan. He frustrates me to no end and brings out the worst in me at times, but I know God has a plan and a purpose for him. I am praying for God’s grace to show me how to make God famous to my son. It’s my strongest desire. I don’t want my son’s identity tied up in his own perception of being or feeling “different”. I want him to know God made no mistakes when He created my son….I want him to find his identity in Jesus.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your honesty. It was exactly what God wanted me to hear tonight…Truth that my son’s differences can be used for His Glory, that there is hope and that tomorrow I can wake up and start again, on my knees praying for God to change my heart and surrender my need to be in charge of what happens to my son.
Blessings to you. I plan to read your book and pass it along to my husband.
Megan
Wow. I am in tears after reading this. The past few weeks especially I have struggled with my 6 year old boy. He is super smart, super sweet, super funny…but man, when he’s mad, he’s super mad. When he’s determined…super determined…you get the picture. We homeschool, which is a blessing, but having to “figure” him out and deal with the emotional swings, how he learns best etc, can be so trying at times.
These comments from above sum it up so well for me: “I am also his biggest fan. He frustrates me to no end and brings out the worst in me at times, but I know God has a plan and a purpose for him. I am praying for God’s grace to show me how to make God famous to my son. It’s my strongest desire. I don’t want my son’s identity tied up in his own perception of being or feeling “different”. I want him to know God made no mistakes when He created my son….I want him to find his identity in Jesus.”
Thank you so much for this article…and for everyone’s comments. It’s so encouraging to know we are not alone in this….and that God made our sweet son exactly how He wanted to. He has a purpose and is uniquely gifted in so many things. Our job is to help him channel his gifts, talents and personality into using it for God and His glory.
Such an encouraging post! My 7 year old boy is also a mini-Nathan. I never get to hear feedback from the ADHD perspective. I often wish I could be in his little mind to hear what he thinks. So your post gives a little bit of insight.
Thank you!
My prayer is that my child will devote all his energy to find and love God. With Him who gives us peace, ADHD or not, there is no hope.
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