{Today’s post is from Kyle McManamy, Director of Apologia Mission and Brand Manager for Apologia, and a newlywed! (Congrats Kyle!) Kyle is 30 years old, from South Carolina, and graduated seminary last year. He’s the oldest of 4 boys, but his brothers are all half-brothers as his parents divorced when he was 2. His mom raised him on her own (for the most part) and she did such a good job. Looking back, he sees clearly how his mom, a single mother, taught him to be considerate. Today he shares that wisdom with us. Read to the end for a special treat!}

My mom is a Southern lady, through-and-through. She is immediately considerate – it has to be a part of her DNA at this point – and it is one of the many delights of knowing her. As I prepare for marriage and get to know my bride-to-be, I am increasingly thankful she passed on some of this behavior to me. Though not a comprehensive list of her parenting, below are a few ways my mom helped me to be considerate – I hope you find them encouraging as well.

1. Acknowledge your power to influence your children. When I asked my mom on the phone, “How did you try to teach me to be considerate?” this was her first response. (It wasn’t even on my radar) “I knew that I would shape how you were a husband, an employee, and a man as a whole.” Sometimes in the busyness of a week or a month or a year, this is easily forgotten. Don’t forget it: God created the parent-child relationship to be one of influence. The first step to helping your son be considerate is to know that you can significantly help him to get there.

2. Your actions form behavior. When it comes down to it, my mom spent probably spend days (cumulatively) explaining right and wrong behavior to me and, while I was surely shaped by those times, her own actions had to be the most significant way she made me who I am. If your children will be considerate (or angry, patient, adventurous, or timid), it is, in some serious way, influenced by who their parents are. Don’t forget that.

3. You should teach manners. It would be hard to be around my mom or grandmother and violate a rule of cordiality without some sort of instruction. Eventually, children learn to behave under this sort of intolerance. While the goal of teaching considerate actions is a caring heart, it’s hard to disagree with the effectiveness of habits. We want kids to come away from parenting as caring people, but sometimes they need to act like they care so that, eventually, they will. CSLewis wrote that the best way to build love in your heart for someone you don’t like is to act like you like them. Eventually, Lewis said, you would begin to care for them. Habits can work the same way; teach a rule of being considerate (like holding open a door) and your heart is likely to follow.

4. Praise behavior you want repeated and discourage behavior you’ve had enough of. Like many of my contemporaries in the 80s, I was reared on James Dobson. He may have shared much with mom, but what I know she took a hold of is the power of positive reinforcement. When I put someone else first, I can guarantee you she took note of me and told me how great what I did was. Kids love a party; their good behavior is perfect occasion for one.

5. Unhappy kids have little to give. For years mom would rock me awake while singing “You are my Sunshine.” Compared to the alarms that wake me up now (yes, I said “alarms” in the plural), this was an incredibly pleasant way to start the day. Folgers had it wrong in my household; this was the best part of waking up. The start of mornings was just a little picture into a priority mom had: Happy kids are easier to raise and if something is unnecessarily unpleasant, why repeat it? Is there any regular aspect of your child’s life that he doesn’t like? Can you find a way to eliminate the unpleasantness of it? If so, everyone will be thankful and you will reap the rewards as much as your children.

Entering marriage, I can only imagine the ways in which my childhood lessons will bless my wife. As you raise considerate young men, you will be doing the same thing. Here are just a few tips from one mom to another (via her son, who appreciates all of her hard work).

Now, here’s a question for you:

What’s one suggestion you would give to parents about how to train a child to be considerate of others?

*********

Thanks Kyle! Today, Kyle has offered to give away one copy of The Mystery of Marriage: Meditations on the Miracle, by Mike Mason and foreworded by J. I. Packer. Leave a comment answering Kyle’s question above to enter! This giveaway will end September 30th.

Thanks for joining the M.O.B. Society as we reach for the hearts of our sons. To join us every day, subscribe in a reader, by email or receive updates directly to your Amazon Kindle!