Loving Them Not Their Actions

By on May 24, 2011 in physicality of boys

It’s not a secret that I love listening to K-LOVE Radio. It’s the number one button on both the van and our kitchen radio. I love the positive aspect from the music to the news segments. Even with the recent flooding and tornadoes there is always a positive spin.

The other day there was a mini segment from Focus on the Family. While I don’t remember exactly what was said the message I got was “love them, not what they do“.

One of the examples it gave was the physical aspects put on our little boys. Praising them for their home run, touchdown, goal, and other sport triumphs. The recommendation wasn’t to do this as it can set them up for disappointments, instead to love our sons as God loves us.
Alaina Frederick Photography

Unconditionally.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails … 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (NIV)

Doesn’t matter if they are a chess lover, an artist with words, or even the schools VIP player – it’s them you love. Their soul not their actions. It’s such a hard thing to express though. I have found it helpful to remind myself as the milk spills across the table, dripping down onto the chair and finally making our new carpet white that ‘God loves the little children.’

Sure I may be upset in the moment but just that quick reminder calms the soul and allows me to show love through a calm teaching moment instead of my boys seeing instant anger.

Society teaches us that we are only defined by our successes – especially men. How wonderful would it be to change that starting with our sons and allow a new society to blossom!

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By Grace Through Faith :: Laying Kindling :: Part 4

By on May 23, 2011 in growing godly men, Life Lessons, Prayer, salvation, the heart, The Word, Uncategorized

About one month into engagement I was SO OVER being engaged. The Lord had brought to me the one that I was to spend the rest of my life with and, well, I was ready to start the rest of my life! I loved him and I knew that he loved me. I knew where we were going to live. I knew that I would go from “single” to “married”.  But it wasn’t until I said “I do”, and we were pronounced husband and wife, did I become Mrs. Chris Orr.

Similarly, entering into a relationship with God isn’t just knowing about God. Satan knows all about God.

We must be careful not to solely fill our boys minds with the knowledge of God. We must teach them that only through faith in Christ can they have a relationship with God. Only through saying “I do” to trusting in God’s saving grace can we enter into fellowship with Him for eternity.

What having faith in Christ is not

  • It is not praying a prayer. A heart’s cry is certainly the means by which they can express their faith in Christ, but repeating a prayer does not equal receiving God’s grace, through Christ.
  • It is not having an emotional experience. Deep sorrow over our sin, granted by the Holy Spirit, is a big component that leads us to faith in Christ. However, a guilt-ridden, hell-fearing heart that is solely trying to make-up for their mess ups is not putting their faith in Christ. Instead, they are putting their faith in their own repentance, which is essentially works. If saying sorry for their sins and crying about it will appease the bad feelings they have over their sin, even if they are truly “sorry” for their sin, without faith in what Christ has done for them their “repentance” is worthless.
  • It is not trying harder. When our children see their sin and their desperate need for God, we need to lead their sorrowful hearts to Jesus, not to trying better next time. Don’t give them more rules to follow, instead give them the example of Christ. The only answer to their sin problem is Jesus.

So, what do they need to have faith in?

  • That God loves them very much; He is their loving creator and He has great plans for them.
  • That God is holy and they are a sinner in desperate need of a Savior.
  • That Jesus is the only way to a relationship with God.
  • It is only through their faith, by God’s grace that they can enter into a relationship with God and spend eternity with Him.

Free Prayer Cards

There are three (free!) downloadable prayer cards, to help you in your efforts as we trust God for the salvation for our sons. You can find them here.

Tips for the journey

  • Answer their questions. Encourage their inquisitiveness by giving them your full attention. This is the most important “research” they will do. When they bring up spiritual issues, stop what you are doing, look them in the eyes and answer them the best you can. It is ok to tell them, “You know what? I am not sure. But, this is a good and important question. Let’s ask our pastor this week and see what He thinks.”
  • Ask them lots of questions. When they tell you they want to become a Christian, tell them that  you are excited about that, but don’t jump right in and “pray the prayer”. Ask them what it means to be a Christian. Ask them why they want to be a Christian. Ask them how they think they can become a Christian. When you do this, listen well. Keep the main points of the gospel in mind and make sure they are understanding each point. I am certainly not saying that they have to know it all perfectly before they can genuinely come to Christ, nor am I advocating that you are the gate-keeper to whether or not they can become a Christian. You are their guide; God has given us the privilege and responsibility to point our children to Christ. If their definition of becoming a Christian does not involve their need for Christ because of their sin against a holy God, then their “prayer of faith” is not one of saving faith, but of moralism or fire-insurance.
  • Point them to Jesus. Again and again and again. Jesus is the answer. He alone is our hope. I love the way Elyse Fitzpatrick puts it in her new book, Give Them Grace:

“Share the story [of grace] with your children. Show them the Savior. Show them Jesus. Dazzle them with His love.”


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“You Have To Give Respect To Get Respect”

By on May 20, 2011 in growing godly men, Life Lessons, the heart

{That was the corniest, most cliche title ever, but just stick with me!}

One of the greatest hopes I hold for my son’s future is that he will grow in strength, maturity and integrity;

that he will become a respectable man.

And as I lift him up to the Lord, I seek to cultivate a particular attitude in his little heart, which is that

 

“You have to give respect to get respect.”

 

It was the “theme” of my senior year of high school and is a cheesy, but poignant, truth.  If my son is to be a man who garners the respect of others, he must demonstrate a humble, respectful nature.

In order to cultivate such a nature, we guide my son to demonstrate:

  • Respect for Authority – That of both God and man {at the moment, his father and I}.  Truly, all forms of respectful behavior we work to cultivate in our son will ultimately point to the ultimate authority of God in ALL things.  But in an earthly sense, a respectable man is a humble, reliable employee, church member, and responsible countryman.
  • Respect for Other Men – A respectable man is a good friend.  He seeks the best for others, and shows them true brotherly love in Christ.  He is open and real in his friendships, and builds his friends with his prayer & support.
  • Respect for Women – While the points I mentioned above certainly apply to women as well, we believe that they deserve a special category!  Through his dealings with the women and girls in life, a boy must learn the proper ways to behave toward woman, protect their hearts, and view them in a radically different way than the world would persuade him to.
  • Respect for his Future Family, Finances, the Earth, and Material Things {Stewardship} – All blessings that come to him will come from God {most notably, a wife and children!!!!}, and ultimately belong to Him!  A boy must learn, even at an early age, to handle these blessings in a godly, reverent way.

Now, my son is still quite young…but it is *never too early to lay a strong foundation*.  We have, in very basic ways, begun these teachings, and will build on them as long as he is ours to teach.

How do you cultivate a respectful heart in your son{s}?

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Jessica is a dainty little delicate flower raising the epitome of a rough-and-tumble-Tasmanian-devil boy.  She can be found chasing him through the chambers of Muthering Heights, and dispensing plenty of Senseless Sensibility.

Did you know that you can now have your daily M.O.B. Society blog posts sent directly to your Amazon Kindle? How cool is that?? Check out this service FREE for the first 14 days and then decide if you’d like to pay a whopping $1.99 per month to keep it coming!

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Growing Respect in Our Sons

By on May 19, 2011 in a mother's heart, growing godly men

How do we grow respect in our sons? We plant the seeds of respect and nurture them all along the way.

We want our sons to be respectful young men. We want them to treat others with respect, show respect to their elders, and value young ladies and treat them with dignity. But how do we accomplish that? It takes more than a crash course, for respect grows from a wellspring deep inside.

I’m convinced that our sons need a three-fold sense of respect. They need to respect authority, they need to respect themselves, and they need to respect others. In I’m Outnumbered, there’s a chapter full of hints for fostering all three kinds of respect.

Of course, modeling respect for our sons plays into the picture. And Dad’s respect for Mom speaks volumes, too, to the boys in your home. In addition, there are things we can do – activities we can involve our sons in – that help foster respect for others. Placing them in activities with people who are different from them, spending time with other generations, getting involved with a team – these kinds of things teach children how to respect people who may be different and reinforce the value of others.

Manners – a sure sign of respect — can be seen as a code of behavior for boys, too. That’s not to say our sons’ table behavior will be impeccable, but good manners do say, “I realize not everyone wants to see my food as I chew it.” And manners often mean more to a boy when they’re explained in this way, rather than “We just don’t do this.”

Respect is the basis for so much in life.  Respect is both caught and taught, so it’s important for us to make it priority in our homes.

Plant the seeds and keep watering!

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Did you know that you can now have your daily M.O.B. Society blog posts sent directly to your Amazon Kindle? How cool is that?? Check out this service FREE for the first 14 days and then decide if you’d like to pay a whopping $1.99 per month to keep it coming!

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