I sit and cry at the table when my words are harsh.
I don’t want to break their spirits and harm their hearts. I want to build them up with my words, not tear them down.
But clean shirts lay rumpled on the floor. Legos are left out and poke my feet. Homework is crumpled at the bottom of book bags. Actions are selfish towards siblings.
I’m tired and my patience flies the coup while ugly words come home to roost.
I hate it when that happens.
It is said that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. So, to prevent my mouth from getting the best of me when patience wears thin, I pray for wise words-a sentence or phrase-to put in my parenting reserve that encourage through discipline.
Sometimes we have to take away privileges and give consequences. But what I want to fight is any knee-jerk reaction to verbally show my impatience.
One sentence in my reserve that encourages good character while discouraging poor behavior is this:
“You are a boy of character and integrity. Please let your actions reflect that.”
This statement reaffirms his identity. It invites good choices.
It does not drill the message he is bad. His choice might have been, but he isn’t.
“Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.”
Ephesians 6:4
I don’t want to shame him into straightening up and flying right through a verbal smackdown. I want to use words and actions to take his hand and lead him by example. I want to follow our Father’s example by leading and loving this way.
What are some phrases in your parenting reserve that discipline and encourage?
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Thank you for these words of encouragement. I “fuss” as the boys call it. I’m tired of fussing. I want to encourage and inspire, not fuss. Thank you for giving me a brief sentence that can encourage them!!
You’re welcome! Thanks for hangin’ with us today, Trena!
What a great sentence. I will definitely try it
MainlineMom´s last [type] ..Weekly Winner September 12-18
“You are a boy of character and integrity. Please let your actions reflect that.”–> love it! Will be using it on my boys today!!
I learn so much from you, Melissa, that it feels good to give a little tiny something back to you!
I love it! Before we go in somewhere (a friend’s house, a restaurant, wherever) I tell my son to be “Kind, Respectful and Obedient”
I also saw this week on a TV show on TLC about publicly exalting your child in front of others multiplies the praise exponentially for your child among how many people hear the praise. good stuff
Love that!
The two rules in my house are kindness and respect. The boys can do anything they want (within reason, of course!) as long as it is showing kindness and respect. It has worked well to teach the boys to think about what they’re doing – and to help them realize when they’re wrong.
Rachel @ the science of music´s last [type] ..baby face
thank you so much for these words today. feeling the mommy guilt after last night – homework time was especially hard. this was an answer to prayer because I’ve said those first 5 lines countless times yet impatience and frustration always take over. this will DEFINITELY help.
And that’s my goal…to have things that help. I know good and well I WILL lose my patience and I WILL get frustrated and I WILL get angry. But, I want to do those things less.
Kristin,
As I read this the first time, scheduling it to be posted, I was overwhelmed with the truth of it. I am again today. Calling out our sons into who God meant them to be, holding high the banner of possibility, is a lost art I think. Thank you for challenging me in this today.
Brooke McGlothlin´s last [type] ..How do I have faith when I have so many questions
“Holding high the banner of possibility”…that is beautiful, Brooke! I’m glad we have each other and this beautiful forum to help us achieve this!
Yea, avoiding the “verbal smackdown” is so hard! I pray the same thing Kristen – a tender tongue that is slow to lash out. But girl, it. is. HARD.
Lisa-Jo @thegypsymama´s last [type] ..Mama’s Boy
Girlfriend, it is VERY hard. I don’t want to give the impression that I’m some kind of Mom between Pollyanna and Mary Poppins. All us Mamas do the verbal smackdown from time to time. My goal is to-as you beautifully say-”foster a tender tongue that is slow to lash out.” Having responses like this one in mind before my head spins off my shoulders helps.
Loved this post! I need to turn that phrase around and say it to myself first, “You are a MOTHER of character and integrity. Please let your actions reflect that.” and then speak.
Jana, you are brilliant. Maybe I need to post this sentence on my own mirror and not just theirs?
Oh man, just what I needed to hear. I have been stewing about how awful our house looks. And as the only female in a house of male, 99% of the time I feel ignored, like when I tell them to do something, they hear it as the wind blowing. VERY irritating. Then I yell because 1) I’m mad, and 2) to be heard. I really, really dislike not feeling heard. So, I will try that today. Thanks.
Alisha´s last [type] ..Mix
I feel you there. I think those are the moments that Satan tries to attack my thoughts and make me stand up for my “rights”…when really I need to be sacrificially laying my own rights down for my husband and my sons. It is hard to feel ignored, but thankfully our Father hears our hearts cry always.
Emily´s last [type] ..Prayer for my boys
Thank you for this post!! As a mom of 3…all boys, from 2 to 10, I seem to vacillate between feeling guilty for riding them too hard cuz they’re not listening to being frustrated cuz if I don’t then everything falls apart around here!! Gahh! So thank you for these pearls of wisdom to add to my arsenal of soft words. We all feel better when this verbiage is used instead of yelling. They like it and I like myself better…I think it not only sets the standard high for them while building them up, it can diffuse the intensity of the situation for me cuz it’ll remind ME that I’m teaching them..in all things, so if I’m just yelling then that’ how they’ll treat others, etc. And I saw the show last nite as well commenting on praising 10 times more than rebuking..and how HARD that is sometimes..and how important it is to publicly praise because the praise is multiplied by how many people are there. Makes the world a better place..exponentially…one kid at a time.
April´s last [type] ..Labor Pains
April, you summarize this whole concept better than I ever could. Thanks so much for joining the conversation!
Thank you for sharing such an encouraging post and easy tip to try–not easy in the sense of controlling my temper, necessarily, but easy to remember with few steps!
Thank you, also, to all of the moms who have shared today. I feel encouraged knowing that I am not the only mother who struggles with this mother guilt.
Jennifer´s last [type] ..If I Were to Write BabyLand General
As a mom of 14 year old twins and hubby whom I love dearly, it gets a bit crazy in my house. One of my sons is testing the boundaries a bit and I love your comment I wrote it down to remember. Thank you. I feel like a duck out of water at times with this journey of teenagers who are also twins is a challenge in itself at times. I love having a place to come whre other moms understand living in a house with boys and hubby.
thank you
Tammy´s last [type] ..My Latest Adventure
I love that sentence, and I love the comment to turn it around and say I am a MOM of integrity! Help me remember it please!
What a great post! I could use this reminder everyday…probably several times a day. I am going to take your sentence and put it up so I look at it several times a day and I think I will add to it…”I am a MOM of character and integrity. I will let my actions reflect that.”
Thanks, ~Jessica
thesavingmom´s last [type] ..I want more…