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Willing to Love
Small face upturned, “Is this o.k. Mommy?”
He is wondering on the right from the wrong.
He wants clarity on those beliefs that hold us.
And I’m catching my breath, hand reflexively turned palm-up; heavenward.
I explain it isn’t our job to judge.
But to love.
To remove the plank from our own eyes.
“Mommy, my friend says that he CAN do it though!”
We are now discussing the altercation in question. It is bothering him. I see worry in his eyes.
“Oh son. Your friend has different rules in his family…just because someone else does something…it doesn’t make it o.k.”
Deep in the secret-heart place I’m stumbling over the words.
Wanting to teach him acceptance. To value his friend over their differences.
But I also want to teach him TO FLEE from evil.
The last thing in the world I would ever want to instill in my child is superiority.
The last thing in the world I would ever want to instill in my child is tolerance of sin.
“But, Mama. I love my friend?”
“But, Mama. My friend is a very good friend!”
I feel the weight of explanation–so heavy.
Am I doing it right?
This time its me asking.
“Is this o.k. Father?”
I know that in our making sure we reject no one,
we will inevitably be rejected ourselves.
I can’t protect my son from what his friend might say
when my little one explains that he can’t do what his friend is asking.
If there is cruelty. If there is teasing.
How can I tell my five year old that
even when we are doing the right thing,
being misunderstood WILL come eventually.
And that it can’t matter.
“Oh Mama, I am so glad you see. I was worried that you would say that my friend was bad.
And he isn’t bad…he really isn’t. He may do bad things–but he isn’t bad. Jesus loves him very much.
I know. I just wanted to tell you to pray for him. So he won’t do bad things that make his heart sad anymore.”
Soul-quake.
It shames me that he would think I would disallow his friend due to misconduct.
That I would think his friend “bad” in light of a distasteful action.
Perhaps it is his 5 year old vocabulary–but the magnifying glass is held closer in these conversations.
I SEE THE PLANK.
And so I stumble every day, in character.
In responsiblity.
In LOVE.
In purity.
I wonder at Him sending me these perfect slate/children to write upon when I am so lacking.
But He has given me whitest chalk, and He guides my hand with each firm stroke.
Preparing the arrows.
“My sweet darling, that is exactly what Jesus wants us to do. We will pray and you will love your friend just like He does.”
We don’t love to be loved.
We love as our calling.
We don’t turn from evil because it is easy.
We step higher because He beckons.
The separating myself from the sin of life and yet fully embracing humanity is the greatest lesson I will ever learn.
It is the most important thing I will ever teach.
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Great post!
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Before and After =-.
“By His grace…therefore go I.” It’s a line my mom used as she raised us and one I’ve found myself quoting as well. I am grateful daily that He is holding my hand and teaching me how to be a mom.
Great post!
.-= LoveFeast Table´s last blog ..Signs Of A Great Summer =-.
This is truly beautiful~
I too wonder how to teach my children to love and serve others unconditionally as Jesus would, without also having a mentality of judging them as “different” or “bad.”
Teaching our children tolerance and GRACE for others is a huge undertaking~~and one I stumble upon sometimes for lack of words.
One of my first responses to my children is to offer to pray with them to allow God’s truth into the situation and to see what scripture we can find in the Word, and then spend a lot of time in prayer myself on how to address situations brought home or questions asked. We pray the scripture found over the friend, and always ask for God to help us see any fault we may have had in the matter.
It has helped my children understand that I don’t have all the answers, but God does. And that we need to seek His guidance first, because our own answers can sometimes be filled with human emotions.
.-= Lindsey @ A New Life´s last blog ..This Love =-.
Lindsey I think this is a great response to any issue. Teaching our children to turn to Scripture and pray for their friends is a wonderful beginning!
I think we’re getting ready to walk into this territory Sara. Thanks for some wisdom and light for the path. We want to be different from others…but it’s never easy to teach our kids that this world is not their home. They weren’t made for it, but for another…
We don’t love to be loved.
We love as our calling.
We don’t turn from evil because it is easy.
We step higher because He beckons.
Love this!
.-= Sara´s last blog ..The M.O.B. Society–Are you a member? =-.
Wonderful! Oh my, how many times we have had to have these kinds of conversations. Many times I feel like I’ve just bulldozed in, creating havoc rather then laying a foundation for showing love. Thank you so much for showing a gracious way of handling these situations.
I’m sure this will be a tough one to navigate…the balance can even be difficult for some adults to understand!
.-= Muthering Heights´s last blog ..I Can Already Tell =-.
Oh Sweet Sara Sophia –
These “Slate/Children” of mine – how they make my hand shake too when I pick up the chalk. How time and again I see angry scribbled, crossed out lines, where I should have drawn beauty. How I see impatient jerky strokes. And some days when I stare at that slate I feel such a failure.
How wonderful I have a Teacher who wipes it clean every night; guards their precious hearts; and is ever so ever patient as I learn to parent.
Thank you for this beautiful picture on how parenting is both giving and receiving; teaching and learning.
You are so lovely,
Lisa-Jo
.-= Lisa-Jo @thegypsymama´s last blog ..How to really enjoy other people =-.
This is one I’ve had to face many times as my kids go to public school and most of the kids they encounter don’t have the same upbringing.
What a beautiful post with such truth. Thank you!
This is something you will continue to learn and teach your boys as they grow…friendships are tough and the balance of being in the world but not of the world is a delicate and difficult one. Beautiful post!!
.-= Melissa Multitasking Mama´s last blog ..Overcoming the sense of entitlement =-.
Sara, this is so beautiful. We are dealing with a situation in our neighborhood right now with different rules in different homes. It has been so difficult for me, as a mom, to be accepting of people, but not of actions. I know I will be coming back to your post as a reminder of what I am called to do.
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Summer Reading =-.
You’ve so perfectly described how I feel about my role as a parent. I tremble sometimes when I look at these impressionable little beings that God has entrusted me with, and know how imperfect & incapable I feel. I worry that my words, actions and decisions will mar them, scar them in ways that can impact the rest of their lives. Thank you for this reminder that God is the one guiding me and that despite my insecurities and failures He is the one shaping and molding my children.
.-= Melissa Brotherton´s last blog ..Four =-.
I love you and I adore your writing and your heart! You are beautiful Sara!
.-= Sarah Mae´s last blog ..A Revolution is Happening – Mothers are Training Their Daughters to be Homemakers =-.
I really needed this today ~ I needed to step back, listen, really look at my children, really see them with His eyes….
Thank you. For this blog. For this site.
.-= Lori @ Michigan Momma´s last blog ..Too good to pass up~ =-.
Ok as if I haven’t already been a big crybaby today this just hit home for me. As a mom of 3 boys , one being bipolar I find myself so often in the situation of fighting a disease I cannot see because of the behaviors that come with it. Mainly the ideal they are impervious to any harm or danger.. When I know the enemy wants nothing more then to take him out.. It is so hard sometimes.. so hard..
.-= Angel´s last blog ..Friday confessionals….It’s long seriously but I feel better.. =-.
Wow Sarah that is beautiful! And so true. Sometimes teaching them what they have to do is hard because it’s hard for us to do it too. You have a wonderful way with words…
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Squish! My Friday Fail =-.
wonderfully written, Sara! Thank you! Kelly
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..last day! =-.
Holy Smokes, I just learned and relearned a truckload of goodness in your post, Sara! I will remember your wise words with my children, too!
We don’t love to be loved, we love because it’s our calling. YES! YES! YES!
Thank you so much for this.
.-= Kristen´s last blog ..SUMMER…I LOVE SUMMER =-.
Thank you for this post — it just really spoke to me and I’m going to bookmark it (or print it out, old school style!) to read again often. My son is 3.5 years old, but he’s already started asking questions about “why can’t I do this like that friend,” and I am just so thankful that I stumbled across your post.
.-= Maria @ Living, Learning, Loving´s last blog ..Mud, mud, and more mud =-.
Lovely post! These are the parts of parenting that are so tough–teaching Truth and Grace together. So thankful we have a loving and forgiving God to guide our chalk!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Mama’s Boy =-.
WOW!