The God of Second Chances

I’m going to let you in on a little secret…

I was not a good mother. Not for a very long time.

Thankfully, we serve a God of second chances.

My second chance started on a rainy, gloomy day. My son was sitting in time-out for the fourteenth time, and it was only 9:30am. I was inadequately coping with my frustration by hiding in my closet in the dark.

It was day 61 of my being a “stay-at-home” mom. I sat there in defeat as hopeless tears fell fast and hard, regret and remembrance washing over me in waves.

I had been a career girl. I LOVED my job and the validation, accomplishment, and accolades it brought me. By outward appearances I was successful, happy, and fulfilled.

The truth was far from that.

My heart had been hardened for years towards my marriage and my children. I neglected them both for the sake of my career, and emotionally abused them because I was afraid and uncertain. Devastating events had also led to the implosion of my marriage, a fact that demanded immediate action before I lost everything. So I left that career, and walked into the unknown feeling lost and stripped of my identity.

Those feelings continued to grow as the days passed and I fumbled through trying to knit my marriage and my life back together. And on this day of hopelessness, I finally gave in, whispering a small prayer full of hesitant words to a God I barely knew and was having trouble believing in. I asked for a second chance, for a sign that He was here in the midst of my painful path of obedience. I asked for a renewed relationship with my children and the gift of many firsts to come to replace all the ones I had selfishly missed.

Immediately, a sliver of light shone promise across my face, as my son peeked into the closet and said “Mommy? Can I come in?” I nodded my head yes, and he walked over to me, sat in my lap, and started talking about the red fire truck he held in his hand. Sharing how it was his favorite toy, showing me the buttons to make all the cool sounds, exclaiming how he loved to race it across the playroom floor.

As he rambled on sharing all the excited details of a little boy’s make believe world, it hit me.

This was my first conversation with my son that did not involve me yelling at him to be quiet, sit down, obey, or get out of my way. He was three and a half years old.

Tears started falling again, only this time they were full of joy. God was using my sweet boy to answer me; giving me a second chance simply because I had asked, and blessing my obedience in action and prayer with my first “first.”

I’m going to let you in on another little secret…

I am a good mother. And have been for a very long time.

While my path has been filled with a decided lack of perfection and finesse, and peppered with bad decisions and sorrowful mistakes, I am confident that I am now an equipped mother loved by a glorious God, and have been so humbly reminded of His love to me every time a new “first” occurs.

As I walk down this crazy path of mommyhood and brand new faith holding His hand, my prayer is that you will join me there, no matter what your past mistakes in mothering your child have been.

Remember, He is the God of second chances. And He is waiting to give you yours.

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Do you have “mommy guilt” you need to give to God? Share in the comments and be entered to win personalized, autographed books from author Mary DeMuth.  Two winners will each receive a prize pack that includes Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God and Building the Christian Family You Never Had.

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